Posted By Teeni on March 23, 2011 |

This may be another long one, but I promise it will be insightful, so pull up a chair when you have a few minutes and please do read to find out what a survivor has to say on the subject.  This is serious subject matter but I will try to keep it light when I can with a little humor.  My purpose is not to depress anyone but hopefully, readers will come away with something that will help them aid their surviving friends or relatives to live as long and as normal an existence as possible.

Nobody Knows When Their Number is Up

It’s true that nobody knows when they will be passing on.  Even doctors can be wrong with their prognosis.  It’s possible that you could be hit by a bus and perish before your cancer-stricken friend or relative passes away.  However true that may be, there is no feeling like facing a cancer diagnosis, where the possibility of perishing is always in the back of the survivor’s mind when it is not glaring them right in the face.  Even when in “remission” or when there is no evidence of recurrent disease, the possibility of cancer returning to finish them off is always weighing somewhere on a survivor’s mind, which is something the person getting hit by the bus doesn’t deal with on a daily basis.  Note:  I do not mean to sound harsh here and I like to remain positive and hopeful for anyone diagnosed with a chronic disease but I think it is safe to say that anyone diagnosed with cancer most likely always has it on their mind in some way or another, whereas someone who has an accident befall them probably did not spend much time worrying about it.  Also,  I do NOT wish anyone to get hit by a bus. 

Do Not Discount the Severity of the Situation

I recently read a magazine article about a child who had an attention deficit disorder.  The mother likened it to a cancer diagnosis.  It really incensed me because there truly is no comparison.  There is nothing like a cancer diagnosis except a cancer diagnosis.    Although I don’t dismiss the fact that her child’s diagnosis caused a disruption in her family’s way of living, and most likely many hardships, it is hardly comparing apples to apples.  Cancer is a killer.  Attention deficit is not.  There certainly are cases where a survivor is diagnosed early enough to live a long and relatively normal life but that is not always the reality.   Please  be respectful and refrain from making these types of statements.  I say this without malice, but those kinds of comparisons are nothing other than stupid.  Yes, I said the “S” word.  I know some people don’t like to use that word and discourage their children from using it, but there really are places where it is applicable.  This is one of them.

No, It’s Not Okay - It’s CANCER, Dammit!

Many times I’ve fielded questions after telling someone that I had been diagnosed with cancer.  Often, it  is something like, “Oh, but you are lucky they caught it early, right?”  Well, um, no.  In my case, it was advanced disease.   Sometimes I heard, “Oh, but you are okay now, right?”  Um, no.  I am functioning and trying to live normally but my world and body was rocked by cancer and the ensuing treatment and surgeries.  Would YOU be okay with that?  I’ve also heard, “Oh, but you’re in remission now, right?”  Yeah.  But what I don’t say is that “remission” implies that I show no signs of disease right now and that only means that I’m always wondering if and when it will rear its ugly head again.  In my case, the doctors don’t even use the word, “remission.”  They actually say “No Evidence of Recurrent Disease (NERD),” which is probably a more accurate description.  I don’t like to complain about this too much because in the past, I’ve been guilty of saying some of these things myself.  I realize that most people who say these things are well-meaning and are hoping for the best outcomes, and they may be uncomfortable dealing with the subject.  On the other hand, it really is not comfortable for the survivor to tell people that they have been diagnosed with cancer.  So I have learned that we shouldn’t assume that it was caught early or that everything is okay now.  Sometimes it’s not.  But it is always okay to just offer your sympathies for the situation and your assistance with anything that the survivor may need.

Another point I’d like to make is that cancer is an invisible disease.  Many people have no idea themselves that they have it before they are diagnosed.  Sometimes there is no pain to indicate that anything is wrong.  Often the only truly outward signs of the disease are the evidence of the treatment when someone is undergoing chemotherapy or radiation.  When someone has finished treatment, what they have gone through may not be visible to anyone who doesn’t know them.  They may not have special parking stickers or walk with a cane, and many of them do not get to quit work to live on disability,  but they are dealing with a very serious disease on a daily basis and I have noticed that not many of them complain.  To me, this just stresses the importance of being kind to one another even more.  Nobody knows what another person is dealing with or what hurdles life has put in front of them by judging the book by its cover.

Become Informed

When one of my aunts was diagnosed with a certain type of cancer, the adults in the family didn’t really inform the us cousins much about the disease,even though we were hardly children at the time, only telling us that the type of cancer she had was the “kind you could live with.”  It turned out that she had complications from her treatments and didn’t end up “living with it,” for very long.  I still don’t know much about her situation but I know that I really wished I had because I had a burning desire to research everything I could on the subject to help her in any way I could to live as long and as normally as she possibly could.  After having received my own diagnosis, I have done a lot of research for my particular situation.  This does not make me an expert in any way, but does allow me to try and make as many informed choices as I possibly can in my own life.  One thing I did learn is that nobody knows everything.  Not even specially trained doctors in the field.  Nobody.  To top that off, there are several different types of cancers, some are hormone-fueled and others are not.  It may be helpful to research the type of cancer your loved one has been diagnosed with in order to assist them in any way you can.  But please, remember not to preach to the choir.  Ultimately, it belongs to the survivor to decide how to continue their life and your support of those decisions is what will truly help them in the best way to live as fulfilling and content a life as possible.  After all, isn’t that truly what your goal is for your loved one?

Another thing I’ve found is that it is always the people “who know someone” or are “related to someone” who has cancer who seem to think they are experts on the subject.  These people may not have done any research on the matter but base their behavior on what they think they know from other peoples’ experience.  Nobody knows what it feels like to be a cancer survivor except, wait for it, yes you guessed it -  a. cancer. survivor.  But you don’t have to be a cancer survivor to have respect and compassion  for those that are.  I was recently in a waiting room at a physical therapist’s office when I overheard a conversation between an obvious cancer survivor and a know-it-all.   The survivor was wearing the distinctive chemo cap and the typical skin pallor of someone currently undergoing cancer treatment.  But she was beautiful, and I was amazed at the grace she displayed when the know-it-all started asking her all manner of personal questions and then continued to relate to her a number stories of people she had known who had  cancer but had since passed away.    The know-it-all knew everything on the subject because her sister had had breast cancer.  The survivor she was speaking to was in treatment for lung cancer that had spread to her brain.  She was diagnosed at Stage IV.  ( For those of you who don’t realize it, Stage IV is not a good stage to be diagnosed at.  But don’t take my word for it -  please feel free to do some research now. ) Note:   I can’t speak for this particular survivor, but I highly doubt that hearing about the know-it-all’s deceased friends did much to lift her spirits.  It certainly wasn’t doing anything for mine as I sat there wishing the know-it-all would take her foot out of her mouth and shut it.  I know of several people who were diagnosed with cancer since my own diagnosis and there are way too many stories of those who have succumbed.  Please feel free to tell us of others who are continuing to survive.  We don’t need to be constantly reminded about our fallen brethren as we continue to fight for our own lives, as we are well aware of our own mortality.

From the ensuing conversation, I also learned that the survivor had never smoked, was a runner, and had lived a pretty healthy lifestyle.  This lovely and gracious survivor didn’t have to share her story but the know-it-all had asked the question, as if the survivor would have deserved to be stricken with cancer had she smoked or not lived as healthily as she had.  The survivor also mentioned that she thought that stress might have had a lot to do with her diagnosis.  The know-it-all quickly disagreed and said she thought it was most certainly due to environmental factors.  I had to restrain myself from stepping over there and punching her between the eyebrows.  But it probably would not have knocked any sense into her.  She was just a product of her own ignorance and I don’t think she really meant to be so thoughtless.   I breathed a sigh of relief when she left and after a little while, I scooted my seat over to the survivor.  I told her I had not been able to help but overhear their conversation and shared that I was also a survivor of advanced cancer.  I also told her that I thought she might be right about the stress factor in her disease.  Nobody knows why some people develop it and others don’t, but it does not always show up in cancer clusters.  The survivor, my new friend, cried tears of relief and renewed hope when she learned that I was a few years out from my treatments and was working and living as normal a life as possible.   This particular survivor and I arranged to meet at a future date for lunch which we enjoyed a few weeks later.   She is unnamed to protect her privacy in this post but I think of her as I write this and my love and support will be with her for as long as I can provide it.  She and I are very different people, but we share a bond of respect as well as a  common enemy.

Yes, Chemo CAN Make You Fat!!

There are many different medications used in chemotherapy based on the type of cancer being treated.  Many of them have side effects.  Some make you bloated, some ruin your taste buds, some make you lose your hair, etc.  During my treatment, I had become a vegetarian and eventually a vegan because I thought changing my eating habits to more healthy options and raw foods would benefit my body.  I shared this information with my oncologists but there are certain protocols that hospitals use when treating people.  When my weight dropped below a certain percentage, even though I am certain it had to do with my diet change because I certainly was not eating any less, my team put me on steroids.  I wish that never happened but I was not informed much about steroids at the time.  I quickly learned that they made me bloated, hungry to the point of tears ALL THE TIME, and that they kept me awake once for 72 hours straight.  It was not fun.  It also took a long, long time for the effects of the steroids to lessen and I am just now starting to feel normal again.  However, due to my particular circumstances, I was forced into early menopause so that my body would not produce too much estrogen which was fueling my type of cancer.  So it became extremely difficult to lose weight.  In addition, I have a thyroid condition so that complicated weight loss even more.  I don’t know how many times I tried to explain this to people but some people just want to continue thinking that you are a piggish fatty and that is why you ballooned up from 120 to 140 pounds.  Those people, in my opinion need to become informed.  And also they need a kick to the groinular area (groinular should definitely be a real word too).

It’s Okay to Not Understand

A person who receives a cancer diagnosis may have a complete change in priorities in their lives.  After getting over the initial shock, which I can only compare to feeling like receiving an icicle through the heart at lightning speed, they may make changes in their lives.  This could include changes in diet, exercise, or just how they choose to spend their time.  For some, it is a wake up call and forces them to realize what is truly important to them.  They may decide to spend more time with their immediate families or doing things that they’ve always wanted to do but had procrastinated about in the past.  They may end up turning down certain opportunities in favor of others.  Don’t take this as a slight.  They still need support and friendship.  You do not have to understand why some things are more important to them, but do try to understand that it is important to them for whatever reason.  Be supportive.  They may realize they only have a limited time, so writing a letter to a long-lost friend may be more important to them than attending your  first child’s christening.  Or, they may have a really great prognosis for a long and happy life, but still, their diagnosis may have made them re-evaluate what is important for them.  Respect, support, and acceptance of their choices will mean the world to them regardless of whether you agree with or understand their decisions.

Sudden Appearance

It may be good to keep in mind that someone who was diagnosed with cancer may have been sick for a long time without knowing it.  In fact, they may have no idea what it feels like to be “normal.”  Some cancers are very slow growing and it is unlikely that the survivor just “came down with it”  the day before they were diagnosed.  They may have spent years feeling tired, negative,  or moody and just placed the blame on a busy work schedule or stressful lifestyle.  For some it is somewhat of a relief (not much, I stress, but somewhat) to realize there is a reason they have felt badly for a long time and that they are not crazy.  Many chronic disease sufferers have an “A-ha” moment when they are diagnosed and realize there may  have been real reasons for not having felt well for so long.  Honestly, I don’t know where I’m going with this but it occurred to me that I was probably sick for a very long time before my own diagnosis.  It may have, unbeknownst  to me, played a part in many thoughts, feelings, moods, or behaviors that I had before I knew I was sick.  So just a little insight from me to you to keep in mind.

Nobody Deserves Cancer

I can’t stress this enough.  It’s really not okay to judge.  Someone who engages in unhealthy behavior still does NOT deserve to be stricken with a chronic killer disease.  Period.  Plenty of people engage in unhealthy behavior and live to a ripe old age with very few complications in life.  On the other hand, many people who do NOT engage in unhealthy behaviors ARE stricken with cancer.    Nobody gets it because they deserve it.  Mass murderers and serial killers don’t all die from cancer.  Innocent children who have not even begun to live their lives are sometimes killed by cancer.  In my case, while it may be true that I used to engage in behaviors that probably raised my risk of developing cancer, it in no way means that I deserved  it.  As long as I see mean-spirited people and people without consciences living long lives on this planet of ours, I know that in my heart.  And still, I don’t wish a disease as punishment for anyone.  A survivor does not need you to judge them.   Who of us is perfect enough to judge another?  It’s infuriating that some people think they are better than others maybe because they were fortunate enough to be raised in a stress-free and supportive home, had access to good nutrition, were taught a healthy lifestyle, inherited good genes, had no vices, or whatever they may believe saved them from the fate of a chronic disease.  Also remember that there is not one of us on this planet who did anything to deserve the gift of life they are now enjoying.

I think this is all I have to say on the matter.  Thank you for reading.  Be well and be kind.

Hugs,

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Posted By Teeni on March 13, 2011 |

There is a lot of conjecture about the future of tablet PCs and there are basically two sizes that are being offered at this point in time.  There are 10-inch displays available now (iPad, iPad 2, Motorola Xoom) and there are 7-inch displays (such as the Galaxy Tab and the HTC Flyer) and many more are in the works as I am typing this.  It should definitely be an interesting year for tablet PCs.  Years ago  when I had one of the first mobile phones (which was a heavy, awkward device in an imitation leather bag and hence nicknamed the “bag phone”), tablet PCs were beginning to emerge.  However, back then they were only really considered for certain applications like computer aided design and drafting or other specialized functions.  I certainly thought they were going to explode on the scene at that time, but they kind of fizzled away like the fog on your bathroom mirror.  Now, it seems we are finally seeing widespread demand for tablet PCs and the manufacturers are all over the place with their designs and specifications.  I’d like to help them out by letting them know what I want. I hope they are reading.

Let’s face it, if you are going to be stuck in a cubicle or in your home all day, you probably don’t need a tablet PC since a desktop computer will suffice and is not all that expensive.  So I’ll just go a little crazy out on a limb here and assume that anyone who is looking into a tablet PC is looking for that superb portability factor that a desktop, laptop, or notebook  just can’t satisfy.  Examples of professionals who I think would desire a tablet PC would be visiting nurses, home health aids, meter readers, delivery personnel, salespeople, and anyone who uses public transportation for lengthy commutes. I would also think they would want something that can keep them socially connected and entertained during lulls.   With the technology that is available today, that isn’t really too much to ask.

Many of today’s smart phones already handle these tasks beautifully.  My iPod Touch, for example, keeps me organized with it’s calendar and shopping list applications.  My e-books, music, games, photos, and streaming videos keep me entertained during lulls. I can stay socially connected via email and Facebook.  It’s a great gadget and almost fits the bill for what I need.  ALMOST.  The thing is, it’s TOO small for some of the things I’d like to be able to do with it.  I mean, it’s great for personal messages and social networking, but really difficult to use for longer and more professional email messages.  It’s really not professional to use “texting” for work emails but it is harder to type longer messages in proper English since I don’t have baby-sized fingers (and haven’t since I was a baby).   It’s also hard to share information and photos from the internet with my clients because the screen is really meant for only one person to view (and generally my clients’ eyesight is worse than mine since I work with the elderly).

On the other end of the spectrum, I  also have an iPad.  I can definitely appreciate what a great gadget it is.    It has a beautiful display and does all the things my iPod does and then some.  I can now share information and photos from the internet with my clients.   But there are some major drawbacks.  To those who claim that it is easier to type on a 10-inch virtual keyboard, I have to agree that it is only slightly easier than on a smart phone or on my iPod.  And it is heavy.   I can’t hold it in one hand to read so it needs a stand.  Using it on my lap is not comfortable for any lengths of time because of the downward angle my neck needs to be in to view it (not to mention that all those EMFs on my lap concern me a bit).  It is also larger than I need for what I do much of the time.  Bringing it back and forth to work is a bit taxing.  It will do for now but I know I will tire of lugging it around.  To avoid any hunting and pecking or typo frustrations (as well as to save my sanity), I use a bluetooth keyboard with my iPad when I need to type a real message.  I wouldn’t mind this at all if the tablet itself were not so heavy to tote around.

I guess I am looking for a size that is in between my iPad and my iPod.  I would love a bigger screen than what my iPod offers but I still want it to be portable and fit in my purse or my bag. The 7-inch format definitely fits the bill.  I have to give credit to the makers of all the 7-inch e-readers who realized that their customers would be using their devices in a hand-held manner, much like they would a physical book, and provided those customers with a screen that is large enough to be easy on the eyes, yet light enough and small enough to carry their entire digital libraries with them wherever they go.  Kudos to you guys!  Also, as much as I admire the beauty of the larger, flashy screen size, it really is not a necessity. Let’s face it, how awkward will it be to take photos with a 10-inch screen?  A smaller screen works just as well for video conferencing especially since I doubt that is what many people will be doing with the device for the majority of time.  For those that argue that the bigger size is better for reading magazines and newspapers because they are more akin to reading the real thing, all I have to say is that I may as well read the actual physical volume. The whole idea of being portable and being mobile is what a tablet should be all about, in my opinion. It shouldn’t be about reproducing periodicals in the size that they appear in the physical world. To that, I think, “What is the point?” Besides, it’s easier (and lighter) for me to roll up a physical newspaper or magazine and stick that in my bag than it is to fit a 10-inch tablet display.  Once you fold those, the creases never come out!  Bigger is not always better.  But it would be nice to have the ability to output to a larger screen for those rare occasions when I do want to share things with a larger audience than one or two persons.

Screens larger than 7 inches really don’t make sense to me on a portable device.  I apologize for sounding sexist, but it makes me think that someone is trying to compensate for something lacking in other areas, if you know what I mean.  As a professional woman, I don’t need to be carrying around a portable man-cave.  I already carry a lunch, a purse, change of shoes, and various other items for my “portable office.”  What it comes down to for me is that a 10-inch screen is definitely the opposite of mobile.

Honestly, I don’t care what operating system is used as long as the tablet has applications that do what I need it to do.  I think the only reason that more 7-inch tablets haven’t already been sold is because there are so many still in the works, and people are taking the, “wait and see,” attitude while Apple has already established a pretty reliable larger device.  Tablets are still pricey at this point in time and, in this economy, people want to be sure that the device suits their needs before they make such a large expenditure of funds.  But I can tell you right now that I’m keeping my eyes peeled for my dream tablet to emerge and when it does, my 10-inch iPad is going to be handed down to my husband.

So, in summary, my requirements are as follows:

• 7-inch touch-responsive display
• Telephony capability for applications such as Skype
• Microphone for voice recording of memos, etc.
• 3G or 4G for when Wifi is not available
• Ability to use a stylus for handwritten notes and drawing applications (not sure why some people dislike styli but for some things they make a lot more sense than fat fingers do)
• Ability to connect to a folding portable keyboard for text-heavy applications
• Ability to output to a television, projector, or larger monitor
• Camera (nice to have but not really necessary since most phones already have cameras but maybe an option for those who desire a video conference capability)
• Long battery life
• Uncomplicated connections so as to avoid extra converters and adapters to lug around

And while I’m at it, I’d like a pony.

Feel free to leave your thoughts but remember to be respectful or be deleted.

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Posted By Teeni on December 13, 2010 |

According to the dictionary, a patriot is a person who loves and defends his or her country.

I’ve pondered this for a while and it has given way to some deeper thoughts.  In some ways, the idea of patriotism seems silly to me, as no human alive has had any control over which country they are born into, just as they have no control over the religion, financial status, or race of the family they are born into. And I know there are people who will conclude that I don’t love my country because of what I write , but that is not the case.  I am simply saying that I would probably love whatever country I was raised in because there would be where my childhood was and many comforting, cherished memories would have been created there.  I don’t want to speak for everyone, but I think this would be true of most people if they would only consider it.

It’s possible to love your country without loving every minute thing about it.  I may not like some of the laws or I may think the government could be better, but then again, I can love my sister without loving every one of her habits too.

As for flags, I feel that a piece of cloth that somebody came up with a long time ago to represent my country is just a symbol.  I am in no way a flag burner, but I don’t understand why it has become so important to treat a piece of fabric with more veneration than some people get in both life and death.  I have never understood why there are so many rules about displaying a flag, lighting it, raising it, lowering it, and folding it when we have things such as homeless people and mass/unmarked graves.  Surely people deserve more respect than a flag does.

I feel blessed to have Canada as our northern neighbor.  Some of the nicest, smartest and most wonderful people were born there and I’ve been lucky to meet some through my online experiences and through that, into my real life.  Sometimes I feel that I click better with them than I do with some of my own countrymen.  It’s nice to know that we share a continent.   Though I’ve seen a rare few people from other countries use the internet to bash my country, I can’t take it personally.  I don’t always agree with my government myself.  And it’s true with any country that a few idiots can find their way to power, but that does not mean the whole country is filled with idiots.  Only an idiot would think that. (See that there?  That was me defending my country in my own small way.) 

Some people feel that religion is a divisive tool.  Maybe it is.  Maybe it isn’t.   I honestly don’t know for sure.  I know that PEOPLE use tools for their own purposes.  And sometimes I feel that things like patriotism are divisive as well.  I’m not sure it makes sense for me to get all defensive about what others say and think about my country.  We all live in a country, which is just a human titled piece of land when you think about it.  And I think, for the most part, we each have strong feelings for our countries of origin.  We humans just seem to have a knack for adopting smaller ideals and overlooking the big picture.

This is in no way meant to be disrespectful to the people who are physically defending my country.  I truly appreciate the sacrifices that our servicemen and women have made in order to make our citizens feel safe, in times of war and at all times.  I know they sincerely are doing the best they can for their countrymen, giving their blood, sweat, tears and lives.  I pray that they are never misguided by those that direct them, and that they will be able to enjoy the comforts of home once again as soon as possible.  I just wish they never had to be put in that position in the first place.

And though I am not all totally earthy-crunchy, I do think we need to get over all these divisive obstacles and start to see that we all have a common home and we should be taking care of and respecting it.  If we are to believe some of the religious and earth science teachings we’ve received our lives, our planet wasn’t always broken up into separate continents.  Maybe the big guy upstairs deserves more credit than he’s been getting.

Happy holidays to all - wherever you are from and whatever you are celebrating.  There is no place like home and this is true for us all.

Hugs,

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