More than You Want to Know About Me Month
Posted By teeni on October 12, 2007
I had breast cancer. I had a mastectomy. I had chemotherapy and radiation. I lost my hair - ALL of it. Yes, from EVERY part of my body. I then had my ovaries removed to further reduce the risk of the cancer returning. There I got it all out.
I was diagnosed last year at the end of April (I had just turned 39) and since then everything has been a blur. Time has flown way too fast. I think I may have mentioned before that TGH got me into blogging and got me a notebook computer as a way to spend my time while recovering from an illness. Breast cancer was the illness. I use past tense case when I talk about it because I’m trying to be as positive as I can.
I bring it up on my blog now because it is breast cancer awareness month and I’m working on getting over myself. I’ve already told some of you who I felt close to and I have in many cases mentioned that I won’t eat soy. People think I’m nuts for avoiding it but because soy contains a phytoestrogen (a plant estrogen) which is very similar to the human hormone, I avoid it. My type of breast cancer was fueled by estrogen. There are many conflicting arguments about whether that plant estrogen is actually good or bad. It seems that in post-menopausal women it can be a great thing. I was one of the ones to get breast cancer PRE-menopausal and that is where all the controversy is. So I’m avoiding soy. You would too if you were in my situation I think. Other foods also have plant estrogens in them and I do eat some of those. Soy has the highest concentration though and I’m on a drug that is supposed to block the hormone. But I don’t want to push my envelope. I’m in the high risk category because of my youth and other reasons.
I have made many difficult changes in my life to try and drive down my risk factors - I quit smoking, changed my eating habits to lower fats and sugars, have given up most animal consumption for two reasons - I like animals, and 2) I don’t know what THEY are being fed. Even organic foods are filled with soy as filler. I want to be in control of what goes into my body from now on. I spent too many years taking it for granted and feeding it cheeseburgers and fries. So that is my reasoning.
I haven’t talked much about it on here because the Tea Room is my happy place - my life is not about cancer, it is about my life. I don’t comment much on posts about breast cancer because they are too close to home and it terrifies me down to my toenails. Like if I talk about it too much or give it too much attention it will make it more real (like the boogeyman in a nightmare). I know that doesn’t sound rational but being told you have something like that puts an unexplainable chill into your being and I don’t want to risk waking that boogeyman.
I’m not looking for sympathy. I just want to be treated the same as everyone else. Well, I do want to be treated NICELY - don’t we all? But that is one of the reasons I don’t talk about it on here. I know I don’t know what to say to other survivors at times, because I’m no different than anyone else, and I don’t want to scare away my readers. Also I don’t want this to be a “cancer” blog.
I haven’t been happy with my looks as they have gone through some major changes in the last two years. I’ve never had hair this short - never lost so much weight and then gained it back. Never had my energy levels messed with the way they have been. I don’t feel as feminine at times and I miss that. I used to have a very nice rack if I do say so myself. LOL. I’m still a little vain after all. My husband is a blessing beyond any I could have ever had and he does everything he can to make me feel good. I don’t know what I’d do without him. So that is the real reason why my little icon changed in my About section from my own image to one of a teacup. In that picture I was wearing a wig. It looked pretty good but I felt like a phony.
But now you know a lot more stuff about me and hopefully that answers some questions for you as to why I do and say or don’t do and say things. I also get air headed at times and have a very foggy memory. A lot of this has to do with the chemo that I went through (although TGH will tell you that I never had a great memory to begin with - he’s right but my thought process is much more muddled than it used to be at times). I am still working on adjusting to my looks, but will try to post some pics. Jen at Persephone’s Awakening has helped me out with this although she may not even know it. And you all have been wonderful to me for different reasons and in so many ways I couldn’t list so I will take this opportunity to thank you now. You are all so very much appreciated!
I’ve been told that I have a good attitude and I do try to do that. My feeling is that none of us know how long we have on this rock so I want to make the most of what I have. I am happy, not feeling pain, and have loads to be thankful for. More than a lot of people have. I want my time on this rock to be happy time as much as it can be. Nobody is ever going to wish they had more time to feel miserable so I’m not wasting any of my energy on that. So when I’m silly and goofy you can just join along with me if you so desire and if not, I appreciate that you don’t rain on my parade (I’m so fortunate that none of my readers have ever done that - you’ve all joined in with me and some of you even carry banners and batons or play the drums - I love you guys). 
Popularity: 3% [?]
I never would have guessed, you have such a fantastic outlook on life. Your posts and comments are always happy and fully of energy! I don’t even know you and I love that about you!
JRK saw this sticker on the back of some guy’s motorcycle helmet and has wanted it ever since, it says “Save the Ta-tas”. He thought it was great, and promotoing reserach for a cure. I just ordered some for his birthday… That sounds a bit funny. : ) Anyway this weekend I hope to post it on my site!
A very good cause - although I may be a little biased in that department. LOL. I’d love to see you post it at your site!
Great to know more about you!!!!!!!!!Keep up the positive thinking
Thanks Kaylee. I will. You too!
YOU look fantastic in that picture and I would have never guessed it was a wig. However, I can understand why it would feel fake to you
I am so happy that you felt comfortable sharing this here and I take that as a great sign that you are coming to terms with it. It’s huge and I can’t even imagine what you have been through.
But I, for one, am so happy that I get to be blogging friends with you:-)
Oh and I would never touch soy again if I was in your shoes. I believe I said it once before but I’ll say it again. You are an inspiration for so many reasons, the biggest of which is your fantastic attitude.
And TGH is the best! Yay for wonderful life partners:-)
((((HUGS))))
Thanks so much Kami. See? You are one of my baton twirlers! LOL - I just realized you worked the subject of “shoes” in your comment and I’m wondering if we have to do some type of intervention for you? heehee. Hugs right back atcha!
Like Kami, I think it’s great that you feel comfortable to share your story on here. I actually feel quite privileged to read it, especially now that I understand *why* you haven’t shared more in the past. Your blog is such a positive and uplifting place, so I completely understand your reluctance to talk about something that is considered to be “negative”. But I have to say, after reading this post, I still have the same warm fuzzy feeling that I get when I visit you! You obviously have a great attitude all the time, and it can’t help but come out when you write. Even when you’re writing about something that’s not all happy-happy-joy-joy.
I never saw your previous avatar (you must have already become a tea cup by the time I found your blog, lol) but I would never have guessed you were wearing a wig!
Teeni, I LOVE your blog and I thank you for being so open and honest.
Thanks, Hannah! You’ve always carried banners for me and I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know!!! Biggest hugs for all your kind words ever since I’ve known you! BTW - I laughed out loud at you saying I became a teacup!
It’s always great learning more about your blogging pals. It makes them seem more “real” and for me I can connect with someone on a deeper level the more they are willing to share. I’m not sure how I would have reacted if I was placed in that position. I was only an observer and it sure was painful seeing my cousin going through it.
That’s a lovely picture and the personality that comes through in your blog is apparent looking at your picture. My daughter is happy because she now knows what Ms. teeni looks like. I’ve mentioned she asks about you almost on a daily basis. You, Mrs. Beth, and Mr Thomas those are my blogging buddies she feels “close” to I imagine because that’s how I feel.
I definitely would avoid soy in your position and frankly I think people within our westernized culture eat it entirely too much. I rarely touch the stuff. I feel that in our culture we don’t eat it how it was prepared traditionally I have ranted about that a few times on my website.
It can take time to get back to regaining your self confidence but you are a strong soul surrounded b those who love you in real life and those who’ve come to love you through your blogs. We’re all in your corner.
THAT means the world to me! And I really don’t mean to scare anyone away from soy - just wanted to explain why I’m staying away from it. But I do agree with you that we seem to eat it to much and unfortunately a lot of it is processed and mass produced and therefore has had pesticides applied. Which is why for the small amount I do consume I try to make it organic.
I just realized this means I have to post a video…Darn!
HA - I was going to mention it as a jab to you at the end of my post but I knew you were the type to stick to her word so I didn’t need to! You are one of my “drummers” Opal and Aiyana is a majorette! Hugs to her from Ms. Teeni - also to you! Oh yeah - I’m working on an idea for a funny little video too so I promise to do one after you do one.
Oh my goodness! I did say shoes didn’t I.
They do say denial is the first sign of a problem….
LOL. You are such a good sport, Kami.
Oh and I wanted to be a baton twirler so yay me!
I’ll twirl for you anyday
I knew you were beautiful! Didnt I say I bet you were? Yes, I did! I had pretty much all ready guessed what your illness was, maybe I am quicker to pick it up from caring for my Mom, I dont know, I just sort of knew LOL. I am glad you got it out. Bet you feel a little lighter now
I love your attitude, and I am just so glad I am getting to know such a wonderful and beautiful person!! ((((((HUGS)))))
I think you are a very intuitive person, Calamity! And yes it does feel better that it’s out there now. I don’t want everyone thinking I’m some kind of nut for not liking soy - it’s not that I don’t like it. Life would be easier if I could have it - that stuff is in everything!
And thanks cuz I think you are pretty wonderful too!
Thank you for sharing your story. It is good to get to know about your life experiences.
Well, I’m sure it isn’t what anyone wants to hear (and it isn’t easy to tell people) but I like honesty and don’t like feeling like I’m hiding anything - plus if it helps someone else get checked sooner than later, then I’m glad to tell it.
Oh my dear, I was SHOCKED to read this(am I aways the last?)
((BIG HUGS)))
I am SO impressed at your courageousness, and humour.
THAT will help you always and obviously has made a huge effect on your overcoming the horrendous disease.
NICE to finally see your photo!
Take care!!!
Merri - no you are not the last, really. I hadn’t told everyone because well it’s just not something you like to bring up -”Oh - hi nice to meet you - by the way I have….” You see? Besides, I like to just live my life and not always think about the disease. I also never wanted people to treat me differently so that is another reason. But at least by telling everyone I hope I make them more aware of how important it is to check your bodies for any changes or abnormalities - better safe than sorry and better earlier than later. And Merri you’ve been one of my banner carriers all along and didn’t even know it!
Teeni I’m sending you many hugs you brave soul!
Another of my drummers! Hugs right back at you, friend!
Thank you for sharing Teeni!! It means alot that you would do that. I have an aunt and my Grandmother who both went through breast cancer and both have survived it. It is a ver hard thing to go through, but it’s amazing what good support can do for you!! I’m glad that your TGH is there for you and doing all he can to make you feel like the beautiful woman you are. I am very thankful to him for getting you started with your tea room. I love visiting here and laughing with you and learning more about you. Hugs to you!
Oh, thanks so much for posting this comment Melsie! It is good for me to hear stories of survivors. They keep me going when I get really scared. And I’m so glad you enjoy visiting here - that is always good to hear too - my big old ego loves it! Hugs right back atcha!
The Tea Room has the best visitors - you know why I always say that? Because it’s TRUE!!!
Mew… you shouldn’t have felt fake with teh wig auntie… i didn’t even notice it was one for a few weeks…
then again mayhaps I’m just oblivious.
You’re a good kid and you say some pretty nice things. I love you! **gives you a huge virtual squeeze**
Hi Teeni,
I think all bloggers keep some part of themselves for themselves, you know? There’s stuff I won’t blog about too.
This was such a brave post and good on you for posting it. I bet it feels good to get that out, yes?
I think the hardest part of any diagnosis like this is trying to come to terms with your own mortality - but on the other hand I think it wakes people up to living, and completely changes your outlook. By the look of what you have changed since, quitting smoking, your eating habits etc, it seems to have done that for you and I bet you feel 100% better for it.
I try to live each day now as if I might not get another day. I don’t want to waste any time on non-important things. What would I say to the people I love if I knew it was my last day here? I make it a point to say those things now.
While I’m here - A few months ago I added you to my “new blogs I am test driving” sidebar. I am dropping back to let you know I love your blog and I’m adding you to my permanent blogroll now.
I’m glad I found you and your blog. You’re an inspirational person.
Snoskred
Aww, Snoskred - you really made my day. I’m so flattered that you like my blog and it is so exciting to become part of your regular blogroll. I sincerely feel honored.
You bring up so many good points - It IS hard to come to terms with our own mortality. Nobody wants to die (unless they are suffering or in pain). Let’s face it - this life is all we know and is all that we are familiar with. Is there an afterlife? I guess it all depends on what religion you choose to believe or whichever one you were born into and stuck with. All I know is this is my home and I want to be here as long as I can. If there is a God and he is all he or she is cracked up to be, then I’m sure he understands what I’m saying and how I’m feeling.
The other hard part about a diagnosis like this is telling the people you love and who love you - they only want to hear good things for you and when you have to tell them bad news it is hard to bring up and also hard because you feel like you are letting them down. And you are also right that it wakes people up. It puts the focus on more important things, and trying to be a better person - not because it will win you a better place in some afterlife - but because it makes you more sympathetic and you never know who else is going through a trial of their own, who could use a smile, a hug, or a kind word. It does make things a little simpler too. You want to do more, experience more, see more, you wonder why people aren’t kinder to eachother while they can be. It certainly didn’t turn me into a perfect person, I still fight with my sister (can you believe it?) and get impatient and frustrated with people but even my mom will tell you that I’ve changed. And I’d like to hope it’s been for the better. Oh, I’m so glad you commented because my post was more just blurting out the facts but this reply I’m writing now is venting out some of the feelings for me as well. Thank you, thank you! 
having a good attitude can definitely help your health in general. i like your photo with the dark-haired wig. i have been a firm believer that dark hair is way sexier than light hair (i might just be a little partial).
on a side note- i tried to get the boyfriend to buy Breast Cancer Awareness beer cozies today. I told him they would go to charity but I don’t think he was too fond of the pink.
keep on keepin’ on!
Thanks Ariell. LOL about the dark hair - I’m kind of partial to dark hair myself. But that is what I look good in. You are so funny, trying to get the boyfriend to buy Breast Cancer beer cozies. I don’t blame him for not wanting to be caught with a pink beer cozy. LOL. As long as he reminds you to check yourself every month then I will be very happy with him and he is helping in his own way.
that took serious guts
you rock. and you’re supported all kinds of ways.
i’m so lucky i stumbled onto your blog - and was able to bring melsie and paige along for the ride.
You my dear, are also one of my drummers. And I love that your friends are as awesome as you!! You are each special to me! Now what the heck are we doing up so late? I was just about to shut down and saw your comment! Hugs to you and a wonderful evening!
Brave girl!! Thanks for sharing this, I think you did the right thing “coming out” during this month!! How strange that being on Kat’s blog today, seeing your name in the comments-section, made me decide to check out your blog at last, Very good thing indeed.
Thank you for the kind words, Brigitta and welcome to the Vaguetarian Tea Room. I’m sorry you visited on a day where you got such a big dose of me all at once, LOL. But I’m so glad to see it didn’t scare you away. Thanks for leaving the comment so I’d know you came by and please do drop in anytime. Friendly faces are always welcome here!
Sorry I didn’t comment on this sooner…I haven’t been by too many places the last 2 days. Virtual hugs to you, sista! Indeed you have one of the most positive outlooks and I certainly look up to you for that! The first thing I saw in that picture was your smile! That is the most important part!
Your husband sounds like a wonderful, supportive, man.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! You always put a smile on your visitors faces! You are a fun person and always think of others.
Plus, I always look forward to acting silly and goofy with you…which brings me to say…I’ll be in the zoi a little bit later
Ahh, Harmonia - one of my little majorettes! I’m glad I didn’t scare you away. And I thank you for the kind and sweet words! I will try to get to the Zoi in a bit. I’ve got a little non-blog and non-Zoi internet business to get to tonight since I may not get to do it during the week. But I will catch up with you one way or another.
Of course, Im late. Im late on reading this. But arent you a little cutie!! Love the pic, and the hair does look natural IMHO, of course.
*sigh* MsTeeni, please don’t be scared to ever share anything. You’re a strong woman, one with balls of steel. I do hope that you continue to stay healthy and happy, we’ll be here for you.
Sending you big *but gentle* hugs and happy thoughts!
One of my newer friends but already a drummer - I can just tell! So glad to see you - thought I might have scared you off - then I should have known better, shouldn’t I? Hugs you right back, twice as hard! Hugs I can certainly take my dear! And I know you aren’t used to offering them first so this one you offered me is treasured beyond your knowledge!
[...] week when I visited people within my little community I saw that Teeni of vaguetarian tearoom shared a lovely photo, Beth of Eclectic Studio Cafe posted a few beautiful [...]
Wow Teeni,
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Thanks for writing such an open and honest post. It must have been really hard to open up so much about something so personal. I have no frame of reference for your experience, as no one in my family has ever had that type of problem (knock wood) - but I am filled with admiration for your strength, good humor and wonderful attitude. You’re a great gal and you couldn’t possibly scare me away by telling me about yourself (well…uh…unless you were a cereal killer or something.
WC
Thanks, WriterChick! It really was hard - I just kinda had to blurt it all out there and didn’t spend much time on formatting or making it sound/read well. I figured if I spent too much time worrying about it, I’d lose my nerve! I’m glad your family has not had to deal with anything like it - I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Thank so much for the kind words - and don’t worry. I’m no cereal killer - I buy mine already killed and in the box! I prefer Berry Cheerios. Oh yeah, and I’m not a serial killer either!
heehee.
I feel like I have missed something not being more timely with my comment.
Thank you for sharing this. I can understand why you might be hesitant to share this information. This is one of those heavy issues that people use to ‘label’ others, to the exclusion of all other traits.
Another thank you for posting the picture. It is not obvious you are wearing a wig, but people tend to be their own worst critics when it comes to photographs. It is great to have a face to go along with your posts. You have a happy expressive face, which is how I pictured you.
I hope you know that I still think of you as my blog friend teeni, whose husband, TGH sometimes comments on my blog. You are just now my friend that I know more about.
Thanks so much, Thomas. You really have a way with words and your comment gave me all the reassurance that I needed! I’m truly honored to be considered one of your friends!
You wonderful, WONDERFUL being… My words are more of a gesture and I wish you were near so I could give you the biggest hug of hugs. You have always brought a big smile to my face and made my heart happy. I am very thankful to be connected to such beautiful soul.
Hail Teeni!!
Hey old buddy! **jumps in your arms cuz she’s so glad to see you** Your words just gave my heart a big hug. I can still feel it. I’m all warm inside! I’ve missed you but I know you’ve been busy and it just makes me all the more happy to see you when I do! Thanks for the beautiful words. I love you too!
Teeni - I happened on this post a few days ago but felt too sad that day to respond. I admit that I’m a regular visitor to partake of all your lighthearted, eager, funfilled blogs.
I am sorry that you have had so much worry, distress and the treatment to contend with. You are young but… this is the start of the rest of your life - may it be long and very happy.
I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma of the eye at age 30. The eye was immediately removed within 3 weeks of diagnosis. I was lucky in that it was found or the odds against me being around today, 28 years later, would be very low - zero low. I was fortunate in that enucleation meant I didn’t need further treatment. But having had cancer once means that the fear never quite leaves you … But, on the plus side, it also means that every little spot or lump you notice will be minutely examined quickly.
It also highlights how important eye examinations are - so if you read this and not been checked out recently - GO!
With love and best wishes to you - Penny x
I’m sending you a private email my friend!
The Eye Exam comment is meant for other bloggers - teeni - I wasn’t implying that you don’t read our comments! LOL - creeps off
I’m so glad you didn’t lose your sense of humor with all you went through. This gave me a chuckle.
Dear Teeni - thanks for the email - lovely of you. In fact I’ve decided to write about my eye in blog at end of this month and will be linking back to this page here.
I’m inclined to keep more to the lighter side as much as possible but sometimes I think you’re right we should share our downs as much as our ups and to remember it may help other folk…
I didn’t ignore your post because of what you had written reminding me of my own experience but more that Sept and October are full of sad memories - at a time when I usually start to go down with SAD. All best wishes
Hugs x
Well, that sounds like a very personal post - I will definitely be over to read it! I love to know more about my fellow bloggers (I’m a nosey people-person that way). As long as we don’t dwell on it, we should be able to share some downs just to get them off our chests I would think. It seems like there is quite a wonderful group of supportive people right here on this blogosphere. May as well use it to our advantage, no?
I think it can be done and still keep the place mainly on the lighter side. And I’ll be more than happy to try and keep you distracted so your SAD doesn’t get you too down. 
Thanks for visiting and commenting on my latest post teeni.
I’ve now trying to pre-empt the SAD and sit in front of a lightbox for an hour ,at least, each morning - and I do believe it is having some effect! Take care my friend.
x
I’m so glad for your proactivity. Good for you! I sincerely hope it pays off and that the lightbox helps with the disorder. I will keep checking in on you too!
[...] saying I’ve beaten it as if by doing so, I will wake it from its sleep. I’ve only done one post on my blog about it and that was during National Breast Cancer Month. I just blurted it out then with no [...]