The Joy of X-Mas Shopping - or Why I Hate the Holidays
Posted on November 16, 2007 - Filed Under Teeni Toons, Vent, Writing/Blogging
I’m sure you all suspected I couldn’t be all sweetness and light. And yes, I admit that I do have evil lurking under my sugary coating. It comes out every year around this time. I can’t help it. It is totally uncontrollable. I feel the need to get it off my chest now, before the real holidays hit. I thought I might escape it this year, but then a post from Red’s place (language warning, but you can handle it) and some recent trips to the store sparked it off. The following may help explain why.
People lose all sense of respect, common sense, patience, and etiquette when shopping during the holiday season. It turns into a frenzied free-for-all from finding a parking space to ripping an item out of someone else’s hands. Yeup - it’s the season to be jolly…but only if you are certifiable.
I had one woman back out of a parking space one year right into my car, which was in the aisle in a lane of traffic behind her. Did she not check her rearview mirror first or something? I’ll never know because you know what - her back windshield was covered with snow!!? D’oh. “Wonder why I can’t see,” she must have thought to herself before thumping into my car. Fortunately that time there was enough snow also on her bumper that she didn’t cause any damage. But I was raving after that incident. She could have hit a child in the parking lot or an elderly woman or something. What the heck was she thinking? NEVER back up without clearing off your rear windshield first. That is just craziness.
Now it’s bad enough that you have to leave your warm home and deal with maniacs on the road (who must have friends at the Department of Motor Vehicles) in order to go shopping, but you can’t even get INTO or OUT OF the store in peace or with good tidings to mankind. Why is that? Because outside the door of every mall, standalone store, and even the supermarket is some sad looking person in full winter gear with a little red pot looking for donations and jingle-f-ing-belling all the way. Let me tell you, bell ringing rates right up there with top-of-the-lungs child screaming to my ears. I don’t know if it is the pitch alone or the fact that these people ring even more furiously when they see you are going to bypass them into the store. I like to think I’m a charitable person but I don’t like being made to feel pressured to give (especially only at certain times of the year - I mean where are these people with their danged bells in the summer time) and I don’t think I need a big display to do it. I like to make the quiet, anonymous type of donations. I swear one of these days I’m going to bring a big old fog horn with me and blow it in the next volunteer donation collector’s face. Then I’m going to do it on the way out of the store too! Hrrrumph! This part of the holiday season annoys me so much that I did a cartoon of it. Here ya go!
Yeup - that’s me in the purple hat with the fog horn and the evil grin. Heh heh. Now back to my rant.
Once inside a store, things don’t get better - they seem to get even worse. especially. in. a. toy. store. And why, pray tell, would anyone want to expose their children to this? They are going to get all crazy, want everything they see, be too hot, thirsty, grumpy and make themselves and everyone around them miserable (kind of like I do when I’m miserable). This is the perfect opportunity to get a babysitter and leave the kids at home. It’s easier on everyone. Plus, children should not have to witness adults behaving the way they do at this time of year.
One experience I’ll never forget is going to a dedicated toy store (which shall remain nameless) and shopping for gifts for my nieces and nephews. I like to go during the daytime and avoid the rush at night and on weekends. But that doesn’t always spare you from the doofuses (or is that doofi?) of the world. Anyway, this particular year, I actually almost DID kill someone. I was sooo close to going over that edge. The store was crazy, filled with people and forcing holiday tunes down my throat over and over on the store’s loudspeaker system (I am a Christian, but even I don’t like to listen to the same repetitive songs over and over). I was hot in my jacket and pushing a cart up some virtually impassible aisle. It was, of course, impossible, as the aisles were jam-packed full of people. We could not move. And, of course, as things would have it, someone somewhere stopped, and suddenly nobody was going anywhere.
I grumbled under my breath and prayed that I wouldn’t melt inside my coat or become the result of an incident of spontaneous combustion. Then, I couldn’t believe my ears. From behind me came this sweet, uplifting little female voice repeatedly going, “beep-beep” as she gently nudged me from behind with her shopping cart. It’s a good thing her little shopping cart separated us because it was all I could do to not reach back and grab her by the neck and strangle her there in front of all the other shoppers and their little children. I’m sure there were daggers in my eyes as I turned my head (oh, how I wish I could have pulled an “exorcist” type head spin at that moment) and looked at her and said, “You know lady, I’d LOVE to get out of your way and let you by me, but nobody is moving anywhere here so you’ll have to wait like the rest of us.” And it was true. I would have loved to let her get ahead of me…so that then I could be behind HER and freaking run HER the heck over with MY shopping cart after properly fitting it with razor blades and spikes and the like. I mean just what star did she fall from? Sweetness and politeness can only go so far. But you have to be a moron to think you can get someone to move out of your way when they can’t move out of their own way. I mean it was packed like the trains in Japan at rush hour, I mean we really were sardines in a little tin. Also I don’t consider nudging someone with your cart sweet or polite and to this day I will keep the shopping cart behind me in line so that people can’t get too close to me. If they push me so help me I’ll use that thing as a weapon if I have to! Just because I’m short doesn’t mean I won’t protect myself or fight back if provoked. I’ll take you down at the knees if I have to, then I’ll mess you up good.
I still don’t recall how I got out of that store without killing someone and that is why I now avoid malls and stores like the plague from November until February. Hooray for internet shopping!
Okay, I feel a little better now. Thanks for listening!
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32 Responses to “The Joy of X-Mas Shopping - or Why I Hate the Holidays”
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Uh wow…(where’s the jaw dropping smiley when you need it)
All I can say is I’m glad I’m here in Maryland ringing that bell.
I do most of my shopping in advance or online.
Heehee. Opal, somehow I doubt you would ring the bell in an annoying way. I’m not sure but I think it’s the pitch of those things that irritates me.
:: starts singing loudly and offkey ::
Did I ever tell you you’re my heerooooo…
XD auntie I love you…
‘Beep beep’? Who says that?
As for the bells… they make me happy.. I’m strange… as soon as halloween is over I start getting obnoxiously happy… and I loooove going to the mall when it’s christmastime… people are carazy… it’s amusing to watch…
I’m too… me like to get upset by it… i’m the freak who’s humming and smiling the whole. freaking. time. ^^
Merry christmas
By the way, I LOVE your comments at my site! And I think my nieces and nephews are amusing to watch. But I do like to watch people at malls too. Just.not.from.November.to.February!
LOL. I am glad it is that way for you! **gives you a big hug** I think that is how people intend for it to be. It just doesn’t work out that way for me because of the stress levels I guess. Stay care-free and happy, my funky, crazy little niece!
Grinch.
I admit it. I can’t help it.
I’m giving you a huge HELL YA! I know exactly how you feel. I love Christmas, but it should only start December 1. Anything before that is ludacris. And I’m not just saying that b/c JRK’s birthday is Nov. 30 and he won’t let me do anything Christmas until after that. I’m not going to any type of store this year b/c I fear I will kill someone. I’m to that point. There’s too much commercialization. Too much retardedness that takes away all the fun. This year I’m making all my gifts by hand.
P.S. I love the fog horn!
Thank you, Paige! **Gives you a high five** And hooray for hand made gifts! I try to do some of that every year. I try to give the nieces and nephews at least one thing handmade each year - mittens one year, hats & scarves, stuffed animals, ornaments, whatever. I hate the commercialism.
Oh Teeni, I was drinking tea as I read this and YES tea did come out, where it should not of ( nose..lol) as I snorted hysterically…
WHAT did the woman say when you confronted her????
I am with you, I HATE hate hate Christmas shopping
(ever gone somewhere like Costco this time of year on the weekend about 12:30? gads…lol)
I feel the season should be simply celebrated as it was back in the Victorian age; simply, on Christmas EVE and with few, mostly well needed and hand made pressies..
OR better still, either by going out for a slap up meal in a good restaurant ..no one has to cook OR
make a memorable meal and simply have that..
NO presents.
Hey better still, Christmas should be optional.
Those are some great ideas, Merri! I love that nobody is under pressure for the meal. Sadly, I love giving and receiving presents but I’m all for the handmade or simple ones. And ya know what? Presents can be given ANY time of the year! Not just on holidays!!!!!!! Why should be let Hallmark dictate when we give presents to eachother? That woman, I think fortunately didn’t say anything - maybe she recognized the crazed look in my eyes like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. Oh, and sorry about the wasted tea!
ohhh teeni.
you are an inspiration to us all.
seriously, this is one of your best posts of all time! you deserve an award.
Aww, shucks. Admit it, you just liked my cartoon - I’m so artsy. NOT. LOL. Seriously, I was afraid of offending anyone. I don’t mean to do that but there just are some things about the season that really irritate me. So I had to get it out now.
And thanks for the compliment! It really means a lot to me that you liked it because I LOVE your writing.
Also, I didn’t know you were an accomplished cartoonist.
Well, it’s the only cartoon I’ve ever accomplished so that might be why. LOL. I’d love to do more but I never get ideas for them. But I’d love to add bad cartoonist to my skill of bad poet.
I am right there with you, Teeni! I had some woman take stuff out of my cart one year! I think that was the same year some dip took a watch out of Hubby’s hand as he was looking at it! People are so rude! I did laugh all the way through this post tho! LOL I am surprised to see this side of you…I think I like it! LOL
See? That is why I hid this side of me for so long - I knew all of you guys were just too good to be true. You’re all really little devils underneath it all! And I didn’t want to be the one to encourage you! LOL. I think we all have our times, don’t we?
The insanity of the season is already starting. First day of November there was Christmas music playing in a store already. It gets to the point that you don’t even want to listen to it anymore by the time Christmas is actually here.
As for those bell ringers at doors, I can’t stand them!! They stand there staring at you with the look that says “what you’re too good to give??” I’m sorry, but even if I do give something then I’m definitely not going to drop money in every one I see!! Leave me alone!
I can just see you ready to run that lady over with your shopping cart!! I refuse to go shopping by myself, especially when you find that the really cluttered isles are the ones you need to go down. It’s easier leaving someone behind with the cart and weasling my way through it alone.
Excellent post!! You definitely hit it right on!
Thanks, Melsie! Ooh - you are so right about the shopping cart. I leave that at the end of aisles now at times. It does help when trying to navigate those crazy aisles - they always ARE the ones you need to go down. It’s like Murphy’s Law. Sheesh. Okay, more things are coming to me now and I may actually have to do a part 2 to this post sometime.
I only shop online these days. Although this year if I don’t get money quick, I think I’m going to be forced to do store shopping… bah! It’s so much nicer to just go to amazon.com and get it all done in one quick, painless cyber trip
I do hope your monetary situation improves though - I don’t wish store shopping on anyone!
Exactly! See? This is why we have technology - its supposed to make our lives easier so this is a perfect time to use it!
Oh my!! I actually am surprised that you hate the holidays, Teeni! I would never have thought that!
I’m actually starting to wonder if things are worse over there because it’s winter? Yes, it’s crazy busy here during the Christmas season, but I don’t think it’s quite that bad. Being summer time, we don’t have issues with snow, going out in the cold, dangerous icy roads, etc. Perhaps that makes it a bit easier/more pleasant??
Like most people, I don’t like the panic and rush-rush atmosphere at Christmas time, but I try to shop early and avoid the last-minute frenzy. And I DO NOT shop with my kids!! Who would?? I’m in agreement with you on that one! It’s asking for trouble! Rob and I take turns going out at night for the late shopping hours. MUCH easier!
But I must be a freak, I think. I just LOVE Christmas and everything about it. I love to hear Christmas music playing (even the annoying songs like “Snoopy’s Christmas”) and I love all the bells and decorations and festivities!
Judging by all your comments, I am definitely the odd one out!! LOL
Seems like everyone around here has been getting so crazy busy I can almost reach out and touch the tension so I had to do my little part to help ease it off.
Oh, I don’t think that is true, Hannah! I’m sure you are not the odd one out. I think most people just get frustrated by all the commercialism around the holidays. I just provided a place for them to join me in a little vent here. But to be honest, I could care less whether it is a holiday on the calendar or not. To me, a day away from work that you get to spend with family and friends that you love is a holiday. I think there is also extra pressure about New England Christmas and how they are supposed to be. People tend to fuss over having wreaths and holiday decorations and they all claim to love it but I’ve seen some of those same people tearing their hair out around the holidays and I just think the whole point gets lost at times. So, I was hoping by letting everyone vent a little and adding in my little satire, that we could get a laugh out of it, let some steam off, and enjoy it more.
Oops, sorry for the HUGE comment!! ROFL!
But I forgot to say I LOVE your cartoon! How many hidden talents do you have?? 
)! And I can’t tell you how many more hidden talents I have or they won’t be hidden! LOL.
I love your huge comments (though they are extremely rare so they are even more valuable -
I also forgot to add that I DO love the Charlie Brown Christmas Music!! Vince Guaraldi rocks!! Maybe they need to play THAT in the stores instead of the usual stuff.
Teeni, I have tears in my eyes (from laughter that is) imagining you almost, nearly running over the beep beep lady!
I would have actually done it. I have no patience for that kind of thing.
Happy Holidays my @ss!
I knew there was a reason why I like you so much!
It’s cuz you are secretly evil under it all too, Kami! I can just tell. LOL. Just kidding. Glad you liked it.
I loved this post.I totally agree I refuse to go Christmas shopping now.Its all because of my lovely(not really lovely) Experience in a store last year.I gave me money to my Aunt and said you go buy them for me.LOL!
Now there is an idea - a personal shopper! That could cut down on the stress levels.
LOL I think my evilness would surprise you….
Stop scaring me, Calamity!!!!!!!! ::shock::
Hey ho - I know the feeling. We here in the UK are lucky in that we don’t have ~ Thanksgiving holiday - we only have to shop and prepare for Christmas.
Re parking and bad drivers - I was taught to reverse into a parking slot while the engine is warm and will then be prepared for a quick getaway if anyone should be chasing after me with evil thoughts in mind. I still do this - if the weather is wet or foggy it makes sense to see as I pull away. While everyone else is reversing out and manoevering around each other I’m in - started up - and away out ot there.
I only go out to the shops early - as soon as the doors are opened. Most other folk seem to shop later - I’m usually leaving just as they start to arrive.
Keep smiling frined
xx
Thanks, Penny. I will keep smiling! I just gotta let my rants out once in a while so I don’t explode. LOL. You are smart to shop early! And I like that you park by backing in. That is a good thing to keep in mind for a quick get away.
Frined is Not some obscure order - it should read ‘friend’ !
I was going to correct the typo for you but I liked your mention of the obscure order so I had to leave this comment too!
Sorry..didnt mean to scare you… Did I mention Halloween is my favorite Holiday? *Evil Laugh*
Oh, you DID and that is why I worry! LOL
Oh Teeni, don’t kid, I really am evil. The nice girl thing is all a facade.
MOOHOOHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Cool. That IS why we get along so well, then! heehee
I’m with you on the Christmas shopping - better to do it over the internet or in the middle of summer. I get tired of hearing Christmas carols in stores, especially when it’s loud and the songs are trying to make themselves heard.
I’d probably have made some nasty comment if someone hit me with a cart and said beep-beep. At least I think I’d say something before stomping all over that person’s feet.
For some reason your comment got stuck in my spaminator, Kate. Sorry for the delay for it to show up here. Anyway, yes it was hard for me to resist premeditated homicide on that woman. She was all smiley and happy too, like she had no idea she was standing in the middle of a traffic jam. I should have smacked her if only to wake her up to reality. LOL.
I couldn’t agree with you more!! I too try to avoid “in-person” shopping around the holidays, in favor of online shopping - not only do you avoid inconsiderate fellow customers and such, but you can shop in your pajamas if you’d like ;0)
Good point, VeggieGirl. Nothing better than shopping in your pajamas by a fireplace (I have an electric one - it still counts as far as the ambience goes - LOL) and with a steaming mug of hot chocolate! Now THAT is the spirit!
*sniff* This post .. was beautiful. Im so glad to see it. So glad to read it. So glad to know that I inspied it. . hahah!
This post was great, Teeni. And the cartoon was great too! I just CAN NOT believe that someone would actually nudge you *or anyone else* with their cart. I would definitely have to break out the ninja moves, or at least a good tongue lashing. OMG, they’d have to pull me off the person. Wow, cant get over that.
Thanks for defending me, Ms. Red! I too, could not believe she was nudging me, as if that was going to HELP her situation! I think that is why she didn’t speak again after I confronted her. My eyes were probably popping out of my skull in disbelief and crazed frustration so I probably looked like a lunatic. I’ve had plenty of other people hit me with their carts from behind (not in a jam packed aisle like that) but usually in line at the grocery story. Sometimes it’s because they let their kids push the carts or they just think it’s okay to run your carriage into a short person. That is why I now always leave my cart behind me in line too. Gives me a safe distance from the inconsiderate people and if they push my carriage, I can always accidentally push it right back at them. heh. Serves ‘em right. Those cart wheels don’t feel too good over the toes! Also, I can reach with my short arms into the carriage easier from low side of the carriage to empty it onto the conveyer belt so that is another good reason. I’m not all crazy killing machine, ya know.
..oh yeah the shopping cart incident is exactly why I avoid shopping close to Christmas time. It hasn’t happened to me yet and I want to keep it that way.
OT
In response to your comment on my clouds. I think spam karma has been eating some of your comments because of your name “teeni” think it views it as spam. I’ll deactivate Spam Karma let me know if you still are having issues.
You and Beth are two of my favorite blog buddies so of course you haven’t offended me.
Oh, whew! I understand that then cuz some of my crazy search terms have some questionable (dirty word) terms in them with the word teeni so it must be something the Spam Karma looks for. I was concerned because I wanted you to know that I had been coming around and commenting but when I went back to check responses none of my comments were there and I was getting a weird message during some of them but I must have not responded properly to them. Thanks for the kind words, buddy! I hope you know that the feeling is mutual!!
[…] laughed my way through Teeni’s Post and giggled my way through Red’s . Not because I enjoy other people’s pain and […]
This is making me laugh Teeni; because it’s so surprising from you! You are a spicy in the middle sugar cookie aren’t you?! I agree, the pitch of the bells is annoying, it’s so high. It irritates people into giving something. I too would rather give anonymously, that’s how it should be anyway. No one needs to know who gives or what ever amount. The woman who “beep beep”ed you with her cart sounds annoying and too perky or something. Who would think it’s ok to bump someone with a shopping cart?
So are you going to making gifts and shopping online this year?
LOL. Yes, I guess that I am a spicy in the middle sugar cookie. I want to be nice and sweet all the time, I really do, but there just are some things that really get to me and I can’t keep it in or the frustration will make me burst a blood vessel, I swear. So blogging is good in that it allows me to get that stuff out of my system. I really do try to keep the rants to a minimum here because I want to be positive but some rants are actually fun too, I must admit. This was one of them! **evil grin**
Yes, I’m definitely making gifts and online shopping this year!
[…] kaylee2 This post of Teeni’s inspired me to write this post.Now I may go off on a rant here but, stick with me if, you can. I […]
Teeni, my sis calls superstore, “stupid store”..lol
Thought that you might enjoy that..
Ahh! HaHA! Your sister is sooo right!
Thanks for that!
Haahahahaha, it’s so sad but true, pre-Christmas-shopping is just THE craziest extreme sport you can do!
greets Julia
Hi Julia! Welcome to the Vaguetarian Tea Room. I’m glad you enjoyed the post! Please come on over anytime and join in anything I’ve got going on! Nice to meet you. I will check out your blog in a little bit as I do my normal rounds tonight!
Yay for internet shopping! Love the cartoon. It made me laugh out loud. Partly because I wanted to be you in the cartoon. I must be evil too
Good - this means my plan is working. I’m letting everyone let their evil out way ahead of time so we can all enjoy the holidays for a change. LOL.
The ironic thing is: Evil is Live when spelled right. So let’s ‘Live’ this coming holiday season!
I’m glad it’s not only me making references to Scrooge. ‘Bah, humbug!’
LOL. Yeah - it seems we are definitely not alone based on the comments here.
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