The Wicked Cool Writing Assignment - The Variety Show
Posted on December 11, 2007 - Filed Under Live Poet's Society, OhNoMiJo, Writing/Blogging
Remember how Hannah and I posted about the Live Poet’s Society and our writing assignments for each other? Well, we are done! Note: If you have one you are working on, the flexible deadline is this Friday so no rush. And if you would like to join in for the next assignment, please do. I imagine Hannah and I will be assigning each other new projects sometime this week or when she returns from her trip. Keep an eye peeled!
Her assignment for me was this - Write a short story or essay using the first-person narrative. You can have as many characters as you like, but you must include yourself and a well-known character from a TV show or movie (in the role he/she is famous for). And at some point in the story, one of your characters must recite a Spenserian sonnet about something or someone they love.
My assignment for her was this - The Variety Show - The setting is a late-night sound stage in New York City, and I am your host, Teeni Frowney (haha - get the reference to Guy Smiley from Sesame Street fame?). I’ve just come back from commercial and am joking with my sidekick, TGH, and I am about to introduce your act…take it away! Hint: Please cover what your special talent/act is, what ensues, and the audience’s reaction to it all.
Hannah posted her story - it is up and ready to be read! Please give it a read - she did a great job with it. Since Hannah used her soap opera name, Amelia Auckland, for herself in her story, I did a quick ’search and replace’ in my story and copied her. So although my character is named Amelia Auckland, it is really just Hannah in disguise. 
What follows is my writing assignment. I actually needed to put more constraints on myself because I was having writer’s block. So I actually combined the assignment that Hannah gave me as well as the assignment I gave her and applied them both to my own story. I hope you enjoy it. Here goes…
You’d think I could say I’ve seen everything. I’m Teeni Frowney, after all – the host of the longest running late night variety show in history. I’ve seen animal guests “mess” up our beloved New York stage in more than one meaning of the word. I could probably say the same about some of our human guests. We’ve had celebrities show up drunk and incoherent, we’ve had guests who’d frozen in front of the camera, some who stormed off the set at the last minute because we didn’t have the right bubbly water in the green room, we’ve also had some fabulous conversations with the most elusive and sought-after stars. We’ve had both the most rotten and the most spectacular talents on the air. So yeah, you could say I’d seen everything. And I had thought so too, until that one terrible night.
I remember Ned, gesturing to me offstage during a commercial break to give me a heads up on the latest news. He normally gives me those types of feeds, thinking I might be able to use the information in a segue. There really wasn’t much to this one, just something about some Sona prison break in Panama. I then joked about it with TGH, my good-natured, yet less-fortunate-in-the-looks-department sidekick. As I recall, we both had a good laugh and then I introduced the next act.
The next act was to be one of the “homier” parts of the show; focusing on regular Janes and Joes whom the audience could connect with always gave them the warm fuzzies towards us, especially on nights when we couldn’t afford to land a big-name celebrity for an interview. Tonight’s act was a part time scrapbooker, reportedly the fastest in the world. Amelia Auckland was her name, and cropping was her game.
I introduced this Amelia to a pretty receptive audience. They didn’t really know what to expect. Well, she came out onto the stage rolling a huge craft table ahead of her. It resembled an old-style drafting table but it had all manner of little cubby holes and drawers as well as sharp looking implements hanging from the side walls. She was quite pleasant looking, wearing a rather attractive dress as I recall, and she came over to shake my hand. As part of her introduction to the audience, I asked her what she was about to demonstrate for us. She replied that she had obtained some photos of TGH’s childhood from the show’s producers and would demonstrate how quickly she could make a scrapbook page with them.
We set the clock timer and had a little drum roll for Amelia to begin scrapping. The spotlight was on her and suddenly her hands disappeared in a blur of movement. Scissors and X-acto knives flew with the accuracy of a surgeon. A sort of cloud of glue, buttons, and glitter seemed to juggle in front of her, appearing to hover in space at chest–height. Her hands flew back and forth over the paper, picking things out of the cloud as she needed them. The audience was in love with her. And I swear I heard her start to sing to herself as she worked. I can’t be exactly sure but I think this is what I heard:
Whenever I indulge this hobby of mine,
Always in the back of my brain,
I crop once and measure twice to align,
My photos, mats, and text with great pain.
My family at times wonders if I’m still sane,
They don’t understand my constant need
And I don’t have the time to explain,
That from my task I don’t want to be freed,
It encompasses my being, this giant greed.
I must scrap, glue, embellish, and lay pages out
And yet there is still one more small deed -
I must journal to narrate what it is about
And archival quality is most surely the way
For future generations to look back on today.
As her song trailed off, there was a big commotion from the back of the set. A shirtless man appeared, wielding a gun. A collective gasp was heard throughout the audience. The man’s back was covered by a huge tattoo. Instantly I recognized him as the escaped prisoner from the news feed! The very much “at large” Michael Scofield! How he got from Panama to our soundstage is probably an adventure we will never know. Anyway, our poor guest was in a vulnerable position in the middle of the stage but she didn’t appear to be a bit frightened. As a matter of fact, she sort of look mesmerized by the man’s tattooed back for a moment. Then she seemed to snap out of it. I remember all of this quite clearly because I was so overcome with fear for our guest. I could just hear the producers now, griping about insurance costs and liabilities. The tattooed man was headed straight towards her. He grabbed her and held her close - her back against him and his arm across her neck with the gun readily available to take down anyone who opposed him. He made some demands for transportation to be brought to the stage door and for nobody to move or the “scrapper gets it.”
The producers couldn’t afford to take a chance with this guy. They met his demands and produced the transportation as soon as they could, which really was inside of twenty minutes so I have to hand it to them for that. The audience was completely quiet, almost as though they were all holding their breath. I think they were. I sure was. Back to our poor guest - she seemed sort of comatose at this point and was leaning limply up against the criminal. Minutes later, Scofield heard his transportation arrive and was about to push his hostage back towards the audience and make his run for it.
Well, this is where I just am not sure I can believe what my eyes were seeing. Amelia suddenly sprang to life, twisted around, her hand darted quickly towards her craft table and flashed back to her side in a flash. The stage lights glimmered on something in her hand. I couldn’t see what it was, but I could almost swear it was one of her X-acto knives. Then, before I could blink, she performed some sort of ninja kick that sent Scofield’s gun flying away from him and into TGH’s lap. TGH fumbled a bit but ended up straightening his hold on the weapon without killing anyone. It was some type of miracle, I tell you. I am not even sure Scofield was aware his weapon was gone yet, when Amelia held her arm out in front of her towards him, still holding her knife. She murmured something to him that I couldn’t quite hear. Scofield looked confused for a minute but then he appeared slightly pleased. He grabbed her other arm, the one not containing the knife, and pulled Amelia with him out the door. I swear I saw a smile on her face as she made a slight spin when he pulled her out.
To this day, nobody has ever heard from either the fugitive Michael Scofield, or the amazingly talented Amelia Auckland. I don’t think we will ever really know what transpired between those two that night but I get the feeling that wherever they are, they are both very happy.
But that isn’t the real reason I remember this night so well. The true horror was that Amelia actually finished her scrapbook project when her song ended. Sure, her layout was fantastic but the photos themselves that she had of TGH’s childhood art were truly hideous and have left an indelible mark on my brain that I fear shall be with me until I go to my grave.
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16 Responses to “The Wicked Cool Writing Assignment - The Variety Show”
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OMG!!!!!!! I love it!!!!
I can’t believe you had me run off into the sunset with MICHAEL SCOFIELD!! You know me so well. And you should also know that I am currently quite “flushed” with emotion, my mind racing as I try to imagine exactly *what* happened between Amelia Auckland and her beloved fugitive after they fled the building. Wowser. Think I need to go take a cold shower.
I am laughing hysterically right now and Tyler doesn’t know what is wrong with his Mumma!! LOL
Brilliant story. Just brilliant!
Wow - you are so quick! LOL. I just left a comment at your site to tell you it was up. And I came back and you had already typed your comment. See? I know you are a speedy scrapper! I’m glad it made you laugh - I’m so happy you liked it.
Oh, and I just love the Spensarian sonnet … you totally rocked it!
Thanks. Kind of funny how I had you singing it and your talent in your story was singing. That surprised me. LOL. But it worked out well.
LOL teeni you are quite the raconteur!!!
I loved that~
I am ashamed to say that I had to google Michael Scofield..(don’t laugh at me..lol)
But POOR TGH!
His youthful artwork dragged in the dirt!
awww…
LOL!
Aw, thanks Merri! I just happened to know that Hannah has “a thing” for Wentworth Miller, the actor who plays Michael Scofield on the televison show, Prison Break. She said I had to use someone famous in the role they were famous for so I figured I might as well make my choice be a treat for her. LOL. Oh, and yes, TGH is a good sport - plus I like to drag up old posts for my newer visitors so they can get a little background when they visit.
[…] 14), but since I am going away tomorrow, I am posting mine now! Teeni’s assignment is also up HERE, and you absolutely MUST go and read it!! It’s brilliant. I can’t say much without […]
That was an enjoyable story … now I’ll be dreaming about scrapbooking all night long. Great idea!
Thank you Kate. I like to have fun with my stories. I’ve been checking yours out at your Created Wor(l)d site also. Very nice writing going on over there!
“She said I had to use someone famous in the role they were famous for so I figured I might as well make my choice be a treat for her. LOL.”
- AND BOY WAS IT A TREAT FOR ME!!! ROFL!
LOL. I think I better warn your hubby. He may have to be dealing with some raging hormones tonight! LOL
Oh that was FANTASTIC .. You did such an awesome job, Teeni - it had me sitting on the edge of my seat, waiting and watching for what was next to come. When you described her scrapbooking abilities, I pictured Edward Scissorhand doing hair, if you remember that scene. Anyhow, great read!!!! Im off to read Hannah’s story.
So glad you liked it, Ms. Red! Yeah - that scene from Edward Scissorhands is a good way of picturing it - her hands and tools just a blur of movement. You really get it.
It was a fun assignment actually. I hope you’ll join in on this one or future ones.
This was great!! I really enjoyed them both! I am hoping the next one, if you do another I can take part in. You both did a spectacular job!!!
Oh, it would be awesome for you to join in, Calamity! We are definitely planning more - I’ve already been thinking of my next assignment to hand out.
I hope to read this after my nap.
LOL. Read it BEFORE your nap - it will help put you to sleep! heehee.
This is go great Teeni! And Hannah, er I mean Amelia, rocked the house. What a hero, she saved all and ran off into the sunset to be happily ever after with a misunderstood fugitive.
Off to read hers now!
LOL - I fixed the little typo for you, Kami - no worries. I do that myself ALL.THE.TIME! And I didn’t even notice yours until you pointed it out!
LOL Teens, that was truly frightening - especially the ‘mementos’ used for the page. I suspect Ameila is happy scrapping Scofield and living on the lam.
WC
I keep cracking up when you call me Teens. Too funny. Oh, yeah - you should have seen my face when my MIL showed me those mementos the first time. -EEep!
I really enjoyed the Spensarian sonnet although like some others, I wasn’t quite sure who Michael Scofield was. I’m horrible with names. As soon as I saw his face I knew though
Interesting story. You did a good job with it.
Thanks AntiBarbie. I think (hope) scrapbookers would have recognized a lot of the terms I used in the sonnet. I don’t do a lot of scrapbooking myself and I had to research the sonnet because I’d never written one. I like the fact that an innocent looking little hobbyist used the her tools to make the outlaw take her with him. I actually don’t mind doing a little research - I figure it can only help improve my writing and hey maybe I’ll never be a great writer but there’s no reason why I can’t have fun with it, right?
This was fun. Maybe I can give it a try sometime…
It would be awesome if you would!
Aw.. so good! I still have the pages sitting in front of me, the assignment I have no inspiration for… I think I’ll have to pass on this one and check out the next one. I’m kind of disappointed in myself. Ah well I’m sure there will be more opportunities.
There will be more, Paige. Don’t feel bad or disappointed. That was soooo NOT the point. Join in the next one if you can. If not, the one after that. No pressure. Otherwise it will be no fun. And we don’t want that.
OH I LOVE IT
Glad you enjoyed it!
[…] Poet’s Society. We assigned each other writing assignments, and you can read the finished pieces here and […]