For the Men: How Not to Romance Your Lady
Posted on February 11, 2008 - Filed Under Tangents, Teeni's Tips
In honor of the upcoming Valentine’s Day holiday, I’d like to help you men out with your relationships.
I think I can speak for most women when I tell you what we DON’T like, anyway. Of course, these tips apply to life in general and not just the holiday so if you don’t currently have a valentine, then just tuck this information away into that battered old wallet of yours along with the tattered four-year-old receipts and pocket lint, to retrieve it for future use!
Now, think of those occasions when you’ve found yourself in the doghouse. For some of those times, I’m sure you still don’t know why you were even there! Well, hopefully this little post will help you out some and may shed some light on the matter.
For starters, when you are out driving around with your woman by your side, please do everything in your power to stifle the desire to peer into every passing car and ogle the females driving in the lane beside you. This chips away at your lady’s self-confidence and belittles her in front of members of her own sex. It’s the female equivalent of you getting rejected in front of all your male friends. Don’t think you can side-sneak a look either. Trust me, we can tell. We have phenomenal peripheral vision.
When we say, “Oh, don’t get me anything for xxxx,” where xxxx is whichever the next upcoming special date is, what we really mean is, “I don’t want to feel like a burden, so go ahead and get me something that makes me feel like a princess.” Just don’t go too over the top and make us feel guilty. Well, not too guilty, anyway. 
When we say “Oh, let’s not exchange gifts for xxxx,” where xxxx is whichever the next upcoming holiday or special date is, what we really mean is, “We really shouldn’t be so extravagant with gifts but you should still get me a nice little bauble so you don’t look like a schmoe in front of my friends and family when they ask what I got.” If you mess up with either this or the situation mentioned above, you may be able to save yourself with an unexpected gift or romantic gesture for no reason at all that we can brag about to our friends/family.
Finally, when your woman comments on another woman and mentions how pretty she is, the proper response is NOT, “I know.” It’s even worse if you emphasize it as, “I KNOW,” or add, “she’s HOT!” And you are really asking for it if you say,”What woman - where?” as you shove your woman to the side in order to get a better look around. Trust me, it is not in your best interest to do this. Some other possible response options and their respective ratings are as follows (please choose from them carefully):
Lame - No response or not paying attention.
Okay - “Well, she’s attractive but I love YOU.”
Good - “Yeah, she’s okay, but she’s got nothing on YOU.”
Best - “What are you talking about, she’s butt-ugly!”
I know I must have gotten my female readers’ minds working now, so I’d like to open up the comments area for my readers to add their helpful hints to their male counterparts. C’mon, ladies - now’s your chance to speak up!
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24 Responses to “For the Men: How Not to Romance Your Lady”
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Never buy her tools or household gadgets unless she specifically asks for them. And a bread knife? It is a weapon that can be used against you, fool!
But I’m not bitter. Not me.
LOL. I’m one of the women who actually likes to get kitchen gadgets. And a new food processor would be good pretty soon (since I’ve gone and worn out my other one). But yeah, an electric knife is kind of a weird gift. Unless, like you said, it was specifically requested.
HA!
Kitchen appliances…. DO NOT COUNT as gifts even if we say not to get us anything.
Nope. They just don’t even if we really really want them.
Hmmm - then in that case maybe I can get a food processor AND something other pretty little bauble! LOL
LOL I like getting kitchen appliances! LOL My tip is please do not take your wife or girlfriend shopping for our own gifts! Pay enough attention to be able to go out and buy something on our own. To me at least, the fact that you try makes up for it if you happen to get something I hate! LOL
Good point, Calamity - it’s not good to take her shopping for her own gift. But it IS good if you had paid attention the last time you were out shopping with her and noticed a few things she had her eyes on. That is worth big points in our books.
I agree wtih Calamity. Mr Music always says, if you want it, just buy it. It’s just not the same
I shall send him over here…
Hope TGH spoils you silly!
VERY funny post Teeni my friend
I agree - it’s nice when they get us stuff just cause they were thinking of us. And if they aren’t sure, I’m fine with a small token, like a flower or trinket that just shows I was in his thoughts.
Also, I should point out that TGH was not the inspiration for any of my tips above. They were based on past experiences.
Great advice, Teeni!! You are spot-on with all of it!
I hope TGH knows that the pressure is on him now to make this Valentine’s Day something amazing!! Because we will all be waiting with bated breath to hear exactly what YOU got this year
TGH has a way of doing special things quite often. The funny thing is that I really don’t like it when we do it ON Valentine’s Day! We have tried in the past and found that many restaurants only have limited menus and very expensive prices to take advantage of the holiday (and their customers). We will actually be planning a trip for this year so that may be where our effort goes. I’ll keep you posted!
I’m another one who doesn’t mind getting kitchen appliances. Men, I think the key here is to pay attention to YOUR woman. You *should* know by now if she is the type who would like to receive a new George Forman Grill for Valentine’s Day (for example, I would be quite happy with such a gift!!) … but if you are unsure, err on the side of caution and buy her jewellery or perfume instead.
Oh, great point! Knowing your woman and her likes is one of the best ways you can please her! It shows you pay attention to her and know whether she is an appliance lover or not.
i am so getting my boyfriend to read this he needs some tips lol
Well, as long as he treats you well. I’m sure he will - I don’t think you would have stayed with him this long if he wasn’t a nice guy!
Kitchen gadgets are necessities…not gifts.
I think I would like to go out to dinner or something. He can take both us girls out. 
Ahh, women. We are all so different. Sometimes I can’t blame the men for screwing up. Sometimes. LOL. I would rather have him actually make me dinner at home for a change. That would be nice. But it may be more special for you to go out. It is so important for them to take the time to get to know us!
On Valentine’s Day, make sure you do something special… anything! Just don’t ignore the day, even if she tells you she doesn’t really like Valentine’s Day.
VDay is not a happy day when one is single … I think I’m going into hiding until it’s over.
Awww, Kate! Well, honestly, I don’t really take Valentines Day seriously at all. TGH and I won’t be doing anything ON that day. We never do. I don’t like holidays that seem to be celebrated mainly in a manner to make the retailers happy. But we may do something sepcial on the weekend (which we probably would have done no matter what day on the calendar it was)!
LOL! Teeni , I think EVERY man should read this post..
You know I can never believe the way a guy could be with the most beautiful woman in the world, and yet he STILL checks out other women..unREAL!
Oh well, it’s hard wired into them, I think..lol
I am actually against Valentines day…
It puts such pressure on people.
I love the idea but in all seriousness, it is such a hype from the card and chocolate companies.
I say, “EVERYDAY is valentines day”..
(This is just my opinion, please don’t throw anything, especially any recently acquired hand tools..lol)
PS, LOVE your meez with her sweetie!
Heehee - that’s supposed to be Brad Pitt Meez! LOL. I am so with you on that - every day should be special with your sweetie. I don’t like supporting the card and chocolate retailers either. That’s why this post is not just for Valentine’s Day but for relationships in general.
yes teeni this is a good guid to help men decipher woman-speak or woman-code, to put it in plain english for them.
You’re going on a trip? I’m curious to hear about that!
LOL. Yes, we haven’t decided yet - there are so many places I’d like to go and see - we haven’t decided which one we will do this year yet but we are tossing around ideas and getting plans ready. I will definitely keep you posted!
She said: When we say, “Oh, don’t get me anything for xxxx,” where xxxx is whichever the next upcoming special date is, what we really mean is, “I don’t want to feel like a burden, so go ahead and get me something that makes me feel like a princess.”
He thinks: No problem, I’ll get you something.
She said: I don’t like holidays that seem to be celebrated mainly in a manner to make the retailers happy.
I don’t like supporting the card and chocolate retailers either.
He thinks: I’m confused.
She said: Ahh, women. We are all so different. Sometimes I can’t blame the men for screwing up. Sometimes. LOL.
He thinks: Amen
You need to get your own blog, buddy!
TGH, you are so funny!!!
:-)
Yeah, if he wasn’t so darned cute, it’d be straight to the moon with him!
Well a copy of season one of Dexter which is released on Feb 14th here would be the best present for me, if we did presents.
But we don’t do presents so I’ll buy it for me.. hehe
Cheers,
Snoskred
Oh, isn’t that a coincidence that it is released on February 14? Well, good for you - you are definitely allowed to reward yourself every so often. And as far as I can tell, you’ve been very good so you deserve it!
excellent advise as always Teeni!
you’ve been tagged!!
The game is to
* Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
* Open the book to page 123.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the next three sentences.
* Tag five people.
Oh, and i will get to the story game today! sorry, i took a couple days off from my computer.
Okay, hmmm. This is a very interesting one. I am definitely up to the challenge.
I’m just an all around screw up.
When my wife says “lets not exchange gifts” I take that literally and end up in trouble.
I get caught looking at women even when I am not looking at women.
I don’t take hints well and I just wish women would say what they really want and mean instead of this cat and mouse game of theirs because in the end I always end up losing.
Awww, but Mark she hasn’t left you, so you must be doing something right and that makes you a winner.
But you are right about the cat and mouse games. I actually think everyone does better when people can just say what they want and mean. Too bad wisdom only comes with age. 
Yay! You always make so much sense in what you write. Especially with this post. It’s terrific! I love it!
Thanks, Diane! I’m glad you love it!
I tagged you in another meme! 7 Random Things About You! Come over and check out the rules!
Wow. I’m getting meme’d like crazy. LOL. Okay, I’ll be over to check it out!
You have SOME kind of post here Teeni! Personally, my mind is too small to keep all these things in mind, so I’m just going to have to buy my girl a box of chocolates and cross my fingers.
LOL. Bush you are too cute! I get the feeling you aren’t in the doghouse very often though.
Ooh… Can I share one?
Don’t go through your parents kitchen (or to the grocery store) to get all the things that your sweetie loves. Grocery shopping does not count as a gift!
An ex once gave me a gift bag filled with things like brownie mix, jam, tea and other oddities he gathered from his parents kitchen- he thought I would love this… It was an awful and insulting gift!
Oh man. Very creative but yeah, not a good gift at all. Yikes. I can see why that relationship didn’t last.
Worst present I ever got was from a guy. A pint of cheap vodka for my birthday when I was still breastfeeding. I wanted to break it over his head.
That would have been justifiable in any court of law, I believe.
Do not spend mucho $$ on flowers; for those get at the grocery store - - a nice asst. for $6.99 - then, use all that left over $$$ to buy little things with some meaning behind them. A chocolate rose, a card and mayble just a little extra effort besides signing your name, etc. Just be thoughtful, and that doesn’t cost much. GREAT POST! After reading my comment, I realized I’m cheap. We both work so hard, I hate to see $50 + bucks go down the drain on roses though….
You are definitely NOT cheap! I totally agree - you both work hard and flowers on holidays are expensive items that do not last. I like the “little extra effort besides signing your name” also. That always hits a chord with me. Great comment! Great points!
I am in no position to hand out tips to ANYONE, but the second I find a boyfriend (tick-tock, tick-tock, LOL), I will make sure he consults this list!
Very helpful for Valentine’s Day…thanks! 
You’re welcome!
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