Reconstructing Teeni - Phase I, Part III
Posted on August 24, 2008 - Filed Under Reconstructing Teeni
Well, I went to meet with the female surgeon. It was like walking into a spa, I think. Although I’ve never really been to a true spa, so I’m just guessing. There was a coffee station set up to which you could help yourself and there was comfortable seating with a modern decor, and lots of glass and plants in the waiting area. Very bright and airy. There were strategically placed brochures advertising all the different procedures that could be done to make yourself more physically attractive. I didn’t know what to think. But, fortunately, I didn’t have to think for long.
I was soon requested to fill out four different forms in the waiting room with all kinds of info which I personally thought was a waste of time because it was just a consult. It wasn’t like I had already chosen this doctor to do my surgery, so it really wasn’t necessary for them to get all that information from me. What do they do with it if you don’t end up using that doctor for the surgery, just keep it on file, I wonder? Who sees it? How is it protected? Oh well, I digress. The questions that especially bothered me were the ones asking if they could take photos of me without further compensation to be used for teaching, seminars, web tutorials, etc. Um, No. No, no, no, no, no. I checked NO for each of those, thank you very much. I would think something like that might be discussed DURING a consult or after you have chosen a surgeon but no, they want you to fill out all those forms before you even get to meet the doctor.
Then they called me into a little room to watch a video which rehashed all the same information that I had already garnered from the internet and heard from my mastectomy surgeon about breast reconstruction surgery. Next, I was brought into an examining room which contains a blue screen and a camera set up in addition to an examination chair and two other chairs. That was not the comfiest of feelings.
The young lady showing me in was nice and took more history information, but before she left the room she pulled out the dreaded johnny and said “Oh, here you can take off your top and bra and put this on - opening in the front.” Grrrr. I say, “I’m just here for a consult, right?” thinking I must be the only person on the planet who knows the difference between a consult and an exam. Now I’m getting annoyed, but I go ahead and change figuring I will at least give this doctor a chance. After all, I thought I might be more comfortable with a female surgeon.
So, I put on the stinking most- hideous- of- all- clothing- ever- invented- even- including- those- made- by- those- crazy- fashion- designers- and- who- can- ever- even- figure- them- the- hell- out- so- I- always- leave- them- untied- anyway- and- hold- them- closed- because- even- if- I- somehow- manage- to- figure- out- how- to- tie- them- they- still- fall- off- and- inevitably- I’ll- have- to- untie- them- anyway- so- what- is- the- flipping- point* johnny and sit back in one of the little normal chairs. And I exhale.
The young girl comes back in and tells me I should take off my jeans too and sit in the exam chair. Arrrgh! At that point I’m ready to walk out on the whole thing. Nobody wants to talk to me like a human being first. That bothers me. I have to talk myself into staying yet again and am probably getting more hostile as time goes on. When the doctor finally comes in, I’ve got my arms crossed and am not really receptive but am fighting with myself to be fair with her. But she does herself no favors either, as she doesn’t even introduce herself or shake my hand when she enters the room. She wasn’t exactly cold, but very stand-offish, almost like she was trying to figure me out. If so, I think she failed. Miserably.
It seemed at one point that she was assuming I was definitely going to use her and I had to tell her that I just was starting the process of talking to different surgeons to find who I was comfortable with and that I hadn’t already decided on any surgeon. Maybe she didn’t like that or took it the wrong way. At another point I was fighting back tears because I was trying so hard not to come across as a trouble-maker, yet still trying to stick up for myself as a patient, and still be treated as a human first, so the frustration built up in me and needed to find release. But I think somewhere along the way, she just totally didn’t get me.
She proceeded to tell me that she is trained in how to recognize when people are ready for surgery and blah, blah, blah, and she didn’t think I was ready. I might be in a week but she didn’t think I was right now (invisibly, I think my head must have spun around). I’m thinking yeah, she is trained in that stuff so that she won’t perform an augmentation on a young girl who has more self-esteem issues or other mental issues. But as an adult woman with mostly full faculties, I think I’ll be the judge of when I’m ready. If I weren’t ready, I certainly wouldn’t be out scoping for doctors now when it is not the most comfortable or easy thing to do would I? Also, if I weren’t ready, then my mastectomy surgeon, my oncologist, and all the other doctors who have seen me on numerous occasions certainly wouldn’t have led me to believe I was ready and told me to go ahead with it. It truly amazes me that someone could make me feel that uncomfortable and then not realize that she herself was part of the reason I was uncomfortable and then go on to judge in that short amount of time that I wasn’t ready but yet could be ready in a week! WTF? Sounds like whatever training she had was wasted, in my opinion. Okay, yeah, I’m just being a little nasty now but I had to get a little venom out while I was at it. I guess the johnny thing didn’t get it all out for me. 
Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just sensitive. Hell yeah, you know what? - I AM freaking sensitive. I’m going out of my comfort zone to try and meet with possible surgeons to reconstruct a piece of my body that I’d become quite attached to over the years but felt I had to part with. I have thyroid and hormone issues, bone pain from the meds, have been scared out of my wits through this whole process, so yeah, maybe I’m just a wee leeeeeeeeettle bit sensitive. Ya think?
You would think that this whole episode had been bad enough, but wait - there’s more! Stay tuned!
__________
*This was supposed to be one very long, hyphenated adjective but I had to add spaces because without them, the text wouldn’t wrap properly and it was breaking my template. So do me a favor and just imagine those little spaces aren’t there. Also, if you read it all in one breath that helps you get the right feel for my mood too.
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32 Responses to “Reconstructing Teeni - Phase I, Part III”
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I can’t believe this, Teeni! It all sounds very uncomfortable (and no doubt you FELT uncomfortable). I am shocked that she made comments about you not being ready for the surgery! To me, it definitely sounds like she focuses on the cosmetic procedures and it’s all about whether or not people are making the right choice … but seriously, when it comes to a reconstruction, I hardly think it fits in the same category! Of course you are feeling apprehensive … but it’s nothing to do with maturity or vanity or any of those things!
I hope that the next installment finds you with a great surgeon who you feel comfortable around.
Thanks for being so understanding, Hannah. And I hope so too!
I think I would have drawn the line with the jeans. I think perhaps she has a hard time seeing the patients for the $$$$.
I almost felt like I was being tested. Sheesh. And yeah, I wonder if that is the case about the $$$$ too!
Do you have any recommendations from friends? Cause this is a grueling process, and I see no need to don the johnny shirt before an actual exam. Cripes.
Honestly, I don’t. I’ve been given a list of names after calling my insurance company. I will need to get in touch with other survivors who have had a mastectomy in my area to see what they did/who they used/what they’ve learned. I think if I call the hospital where I was treated that I can get more resources and I will be doing that as well. If anyone lives in Massachusetts and wants to give me info, please use my Email me tab at the top of the form to contact me! After saying all that I do have to mention that our own little Writer Chick, Annie, is trying to track down a doctor’s name for me.
Not cool at all. Hope you next try works out much better.
Thanks, buddy. Me too!
My grandmother was deaf-mute, and had a double-mastectomy, so when it was time to go for the reconstruction, she needed someone to sign for her. Because, obviously, she couldn’t speak. At all.
So I went.
And I was very surprised at how lovely the surgeon was, how gentle, supportive, and non-judgemental, and in spite of the fact that she was talking to me, she still looked my grandmother in the eye as she spoke. Which was really unusual, and showed sensitivity.
So I think you’re completely in your rights to feel as you do, and to continue seeking the services of surgeons who treat you with respect, integrity, and at least a smidge of understanding.
Wow. Thanks so much for commenting mJ! This really touched me. I am so glad to hear there are awesome and respectful doctors still out there and I am extra glad that your grandmother got to be treated by one. I have no respect for anyone who treats the elderly in anything less than a dignified manner.
She sounds creepy. Like those plastic surgeons on Escape from LA.
The whole experience is creepy in a surreal kind of way. I’ve never seen Escape from LA. I’ll have to watch it now and see if I can write my own episode and submit it.
WOW…..Glad that aint the kind of cancer I got.
BTW, I completly understand why you are unconfortable with this
Love ya and I will be back from my surgery as soon as I can be 
We’ll all be thinking of you and sending good energy your way.
I know you guys will and I appreciate it
Gosh that just sounds terrible. For a start, getting you into a gown during a consult it more than OTT, but to remove pants as well? sorry, I could be missing somehting here, but that just doesn’t seem right.
Clearly she isn’t used to a patient actually knowing what they want and darn it all, it wasn’t her!
I’m not really sure what OTT stands for but I think I know what you are saying. My guess, because I had already had some knowledge of the different types of reconstruction surgeries, is that she wanted to get a look at my belly area too because one of the types of reconstruction uses the patient’s own belly fat to form an artificial breast. In that surgery, the patient automatically gets a bonus tummy tuck at the same time (but with a hip to hip scar, as well). So, I kind of understood it - believe me, or I would have high tailed it out of there! Still, I would have felt more comfortable with my clothes on and just talking to her first. It would have been nice if I could have asked her how many of each type of surgery she had performed, how comfortable she felt with each, if there were any patients of hers that I could talk to, etc. But we never got that far. This is why I don’t think the exam should happen first.
OH MY…that was exactly my experience too! I just didn’t explain it all to you very well I think. I blocked it out of my consciousness!
Really? Yeah, I don’t think you told me much about your experience actually. We should talk.
Teeni, By now you have a handle on me, so, you will understand what I am trying to convey to you.
The days of the good old fashioned GP are gone. We now have doctors, surgeons and a host of other professionals connected to Medicine who simply are technicians. They have learned about diseases and what needs to be done about them.
In business, there is a term that is used very indiscriminately in assessing someone. It is “Soft Skills”. What is implied here is that these skills are not quite what the business needs and can quantify by hard statistics and therefore they are inferior and soft. The skills are essentially, people skills. How one communicates, relates to and deals with other human beings.
My not so insignificant experience with the medical profession is that Soft Skills are conspicuous by their absence. Bar the very rare empathetic professional, this is the sad truth and any patient any where on earth, must first be counseled by people like me, to expect to be treated like a statistic.
For every person that you will come across in the profession, you are just a number about who, vast quantities of information will be gathered, registered, compiled and stored for retrieval for billing. Period. You have to understand this reality and treat them all like you would, traffic signals.
So, let off steam here. You have friends here who are aching for you and praying for you. Little else can be done, but be assured that there are people who care.
All the best.
I think I know where you are coming from, Rummy, and don’t worry - I do appreciate your comments very much! I agree there does seem to be a lot of truth as far as the old-fashioned GPs being gone. My thinking is that if we keep asking and keep letting them know when we are unhappy with bad service then maybe a message will get through, even if it has to hit them in the pocketbooks to do it. I mean, even if I am a reconstruction patient at the moment, that doesn’t mean I may not be a cosmetic patient in the future. So even to a plastic surgeon who is only looking to make money, it would be in their best interest to treat me decently, I think. After all, I’m going to share my experience here and that could influence other people, you know?
And I think that soft skills are extremely important so if anyone is wondering I will clearly state that soft skills would be the tie-breaker when I am faced with equally qualified surgeons! And I’m sure it applies in many other areas of my life as well.
now THATS what i’d call an odd consultation… i agree with you that whole trip sounded strange..
Yeah, weird, huh? Just when I start thinking it is ME.
You were very reserved. I’d have slashed her tires on my way out. That is such a load of BS!
LOL. Well, she definitely didn’t deserve my business or any of my friends’ business. And there’s even more to this story, too.
That horrible woman! How dare she act like that and say those things? That makes me so angry. I’m sorry this was such a bad experience, Teeni, and I really hope the next place you go to is better. They can’t all be like that.
I probably would have reacted very much as you did, by trying to be accomodating and not start trouble, yet also stand up for myself at the same time. It’s a difficult balance in that situation. It just sucks that they made you feel uncomfortable at all. They should go out of their way to make sure you are comfortable. They should do everything short of kissing your ass, in my opinion.
LOL. Thanks so much, Birdpress! I think you totally “got it” about how I felt. And you are right - they should do everything short of kissing my butt. And not just because I think I’m the queen of everything (which I probably AM - still waiting for the DNA results on that), but because many people use word of mouth and referrals and stuff so it would be in their best interests too.
You may wish to visithttp://www.revolutionhealth.com//blogs/valjonesmd?msc=A00376
This looks like a great site, Rummy! Thanks for this. I’m going to keep checking this one out!
Oh Teeni, my heart aches for you. What an awful experience and you have every right to feel like you do. She was the one who was WAY out of line. She is offering a service and damn it if customer service is not the single most important thing in this situation.
She failed. Miserably on so many levels.
I can’t even believe there is more. I shudder to think. So glad you were able to vent here, we are here for you. This is a huge thing you have to go through and whoever you work with has to be cognizant of this and treat you right.
Or else they will have to deal with us, you blogging buddies. And we are?
A forced to be reckoned with indeed.
I skipped the other comments, because I’m running behind, so forgive me if I’m repeating a point. If I were you I would definitely start stressing every step of the way that you are actively looking for a surgeon, and that all you are coming in for is a consultation.
You have every reason and right to be upset. I was getting pretty upset just reading this. You poor baby. I hate that this has to be such an ordeal for you. (((hugs)))
Thanks so much, Peter. Your kind comments really mean the world to me. And you are right - I need to start stressing about the consultation more. The thing is, these kind of situations are definitely making me more assertive. So I guess that is one positive thing. And thanks ever so much for the hugs - I can always use those!
I am late getting to comment, although I horrifiedly read about your latest experience this morning before I dashed off to work.
I can’t say more than OMG, and how deeply sorry i am at the way this B***** of a medical professional treated you.
I just wondered, did TGH not go in with you??
I am a firm believer in ADVOCATES in situations such as this. It would be so much better for you to have support and hopefully he could intercede on your behalf.
This is not to say that you couldn’t or can’t but it just makes things easier????
Take care..we are all rooting for you!!!
((hugs))
Oh, Merri - I wish TGH could have been there with me but he has been with me for so many doctors appointments over the last two years that I don’t want him taking more time off of work for me until I find a doctor I feel comfortable with. Then he will be there with me again. I just figured I could do this part alone. And I am resolved not to get pushed around any more. Grrrr! And thanks so much for your kind words. I feel so much better knowing my buddies are here for me. It always helps when I know I can come back and spill my guts here to you.
Did you tell the doctor that you were trained to recognize when someone has a stick stuck up their posterior, and it looks like it would probably take longer than a week for it to come out, if ever?
LOL. I wish I had thought of that right when she walked in and didn’t introduce herself or offer her hand to shake. Thanks Dan, I needed that laugh.
Wow, that sounds like such an uncomfortable and unnerving experience…and why did you have to take off your pants? Sorry if that sounds weird, but I can imagine your confusion…are they trying to make you as uncomfortable as possible?
Wow, I really hope there is a positive turn around in your next installment, I really REALLY DO!
Thanks so much Romi. I appreciate your good wishes - they mean a lot to me. I think she just wanted a look at my belly to see how much belly fat I had as one of the types of reconstruction uses your own belly fat to create a breast. It gives the patient a tummy tuck at the same time but still, I just didn’t really feel ready for an exam after just meeting Ms. Too Good To Introduce Myself or Shake Your Hand. Sheesh.
Teeni, oh my goodness Teeni, that entire experience sounds beyond horrible and I’m so sorry that happened to you! I can’t believe and wonder why that doctor would think it’s ok and acceptable to act that way? She sounds so dehumanizing which I don’t think is an appropriate quality for someone such as herself, who works so intimately & one on one with people!
I can’t imagine how there’s more to this story. I hope at some point there will be a good ending.
I’m thinking about you Teeni.
hugs from heather
Thanks so much Heather. I’m sure there will be a good ending. In the meantime, I will share my experience and hope something good comes out of it and that it helps someone else going through anything similar. Have a beautiful week, my friend!
Good for you in standing up for yourself and not falling for the doctor’s drivel. It’s sad that the desire for new patients sometimes outweighs the patients needs. I look forward to reading more about your brave experiences.
Thanks, Maleesha. I know it is sometimes intimidating but everyone really does need to stand up for themselves. And yes, please do stay tuned. There is more to come!
As a rule doctors shouldn’t go for second base on the first consult.
LOL. Agreed. The weird thing is the exam was her just basically looking at me - no touching.
I would say your instincts are spot-on Teeni, though I guess there’s always the risk that the doctor with the stinkiest bedside manner might turn out to be the most brilliant surgeon! Then I guess you saw their before and after shots to judge that, right?
Why would they need you to remove your JEANS? With knowledge in body geography that lacking, I would certainly be wary of her!
No, you are most certainly not being over-sensitive. It is *they* who are being crassly in-sensitive - no wonder their prospective patients flee, pleading they are not ready yet! Going to a more sensitive surgeon more like!
I never saw any of her before and after shots. It’s possible she could be a brilliant surgeon but I can’t imagine that someone that cares that little for my dignity would have more care in making sure I was well taken care of in the surgery department. So I could never put my trust in someone like that. I think the reason for taking the jeans off to see how much belly fat I have as one of the reconstruction techniques uses your own belly fat to construct the missing breast. So I could understand that but didn’t see any reason to rush right into it before everything else. Whether it is true or not, I guess some surgeons need to remember that the way they treat someone before a procedure indicates, in the patients mind, how they will be cared for during and afterwards as well. When someone just wants to rush me through a process without much say and that is just during the consultation, then I am going to be concerned about how I’m treated during and after the process so chances are that I won’t opt for that particular surgeon.
Attagirl! Way to go. Sock it to them!!
Thanks, Rummy!
I did visit your friend’s site that you referred people to on your blog. I read a couple of posts but didn’t know what to say yet so I’ll continue visiting until I have something to say and then I’ll say hello at his place.
Ugh. wow. oh!!
I’m calling some friends tonight who might be able to rec some doctors…
* and I so got your “very long, hyphenated adjective sentence strategy / rant. It worked.
I’m glad you got it!
Sometimes I am not sure how I’m coming across.
Wow, I hope she is at the bottom of your list now. When I am ready to have my new knees put in I am going to doctor search too. It’s so important to go in feeling comfy with your Doctor. I was supposed to have a biopsy on my cervix and I still haven’t done it. I have gone to three doctors and they all messed it up. I’ll tell you about it later.
Oh, she’s at the bottom, that’s for sure. And yeah, knees are important too - you should always feel comfortable with someone who is going to be taking care of you when you are under general anesthesia. Oh, Joan - I am praying for the best about your biopsy and am anxious to hear more. These things suck.
So what beneath your jeans has anything to do with reconstructive surgery?
Anyhow…
i hope your search takes a turn for the better soon. Seems like youare getting the crappy prospects out of the way first, eh?
Yeah, believe it or not, there is a surgery that uses abdominal fat to create the missing breast. I imagine that is what she was looking for. But still - I didn’t see the rush for that as it was my first meeting with her. Yes, I hope I’ve gotten all the crappy prospects out of the way.
That was freaky for two reasons- the jeans thing and then the woman telling you she was trained to know when a person was ready for surgery.
I can only guess that the removal of jeans was to see if you had enough padding for the type of reconstruction where they remove fat from other places… but that is a guess. Even still that seems like a little early to be checking the junk in your trunk.
The comment was disturbing however- people seem to think they know more about people then they can possibly. I gave up training as a psychologist and became an accountant because I believed strongly that there is not a set rule book for the human psyche and that “NO TWO PEOPLE THINK ALIKE.” (not yelling- emphasis) I would have been out of there in a flash trailing my nekkid butt out the door if someone told me they knew anything about me more then the color of my eyes on a first visit. Arrogance is so close to ignorance and that young lady exhibited both.
Take care- and you will find the right doctor.
Yes, one type of reconstruction does use abdominal fat so I am assuming that is why she requested I remove the jeans. I just didn’t think we needed to rush into that as I hadn’t even met her yet. And yeah, I thought she was quick to judge me and I am in total agreement with you - no two people think alike. There may be some truth in the teachings, but no set rule. It’s like generalizing and I am totally against that. Not to mention that not everybody graduates at the top of their class.
Aw, Teeni, I know you are a sensitive, caring soul but I certainly do not think for one millisecond that you are being too “sensitive” (like that’s a bad thing?) when it comes to how you are treated over something so enormous- I think it’s awesome that you are standing up for yourself and have great expectations of someone who is going to be performing major surgery on you. There’s no room for “oopsies”
I also hope a lot of people learn from you (this post included) that they should never be afraid to KNOW they count, are important, and need to be heard. I think most people don’t want to “be a bother” so they don’t ask questions or speak up. YOUR HEALTH QUESTIONS AND CONCERNS ARE ALWAYS VALID. Especially when we are putting our lives in someone else’s hands.
I use to be the one that was afraid to say “boo” at the appointments. I could have used you back then
Oh JQ! What a sweet comment. Hugs to you! Thank you for not thinking I’m too sensitive and even if I were, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing - hopefully it just makes people more aware. You are soooo right - there is definitely no room for any “oopsies!” I do hope it helps others to speak up for themselves. This is one area where it is vital. And I know it isn’t easy and I have trouble with it myself. But I think it is up to each of us who is of sound mind to take charge of their own bodies as much as we can.
“The questions that especially bothered me were the ones asking if they could take photos of me without further compensation to be used for teaching, seminars, web tutorials, etc.”
Ugh. That is just creepy. :-/
Yeah, and you know the weirdest thing is they want you to sign all these things BEFORE you even get a chance to meet the surgeon and even ask what that is all about. So yeah, creepy. I understand about maybe wanting to use it to show prospective clients but sheesh, the one and only thing on this earth that is yours until the day you die - your body - and they want to use it like that without compensation. It seems a sleazy way to take advantage of people when they are vulnerable. I’d respect them much more if it didn’t seem so underhanded.