Strange Search Terms
Posted By Teeni on September 18, 2008
Here are a few more gems I found being searched in my admin panel. Enjoy!
move my ears - That’s nothing. I can move my whole head.
i can’t shuffle - Oooooh, that’s too bad. So sorry.
why do cats hear lasers - Wait a minute. What? Cats can HEAR lasers?!! Well, regardless - I sure don’t know why they hear them. Let me think. Maybe it’s because the lasers are making noise. That would be a good reason the cats would hear them. Yeah, I’m gonna go with that.
wishing butt machine - Oooh - is this the machine that makes your butt smaller if you wish? Where can I find one of these?
chocolate syrup porn - This is definitely MY kind of porn. 
jump rope sign up sheet - ‘Cause everbody’s doing it and those who aren’t, want to. Don’t be the last on your block - sign up now!
mama mia actually singing - Imagine that! She can sing! Hey - she isn’t the fat lady that everybody talks about when they say “it ain’t over until the fat lady sings,” is she?
flying monkey brooch - For those days when you are missing the semiannual broadcasts of The Wizard of Oz.
how to make nostrils maori flared - Well, not to burst your bubble, but in order to have your nostrils Maori flared, you would have had to have been born Maori. Failing that, there are probably plastic surgeons who can help you out. I’m sure I can direct you to some.
a fish - A fish? Really? That search term got someone to my site? I don’t even remember talking about fish. And if I did, I hardly doubt that my site would come up in the first bazillion pages of search results for “a fish.” LOL. Oh well, I hope they found what they were looking for. 
sun for kids - And now the New and Improved Sun for Both Kids AND Adults!
find sentence in book - I’m sure you can come up with something harder than that. That’s not quite the same as finding a needle in a haystack. It’s more like finding a needle in a sewing kit. D’oh!
Popularity: 10% [?]
I bet the “wishing butt machine” searcher was looking for “washing” instead of “wishing” and what they really wanted to find was a bidet.
LOL - that could very well be - it makes a lot of sense.
**Rolling on the floor laughing hysterically**
Chocolate syrup porn was me again.
Sorry bout that.
Oh, then I must say you have good taste. Or you taste good. Er, one of those.
dammit earl! i was all ready to go with that line!
damn you!
He’s quick, Slyde - gotta give him that!
ROFLAO!
Glad to see you liked these!
i need me one of them wishing butt machines. i’d wish for ….. umm . . . Fergie’s butt.
Hmm- nice choice, Red. I’ll take Shakira’s and hope some moves come with it so I can dance the rest of my body into shape! LOL.
I admit to nothing although I did search something and find your blog
Was it flying monkey brooch? I bet it was!
Wow- you sell flying monkey brooches… I am jealous, you are really trying to take over my vintage niche…
I get regular weekly visitors looking for BURT WARD NUDE- that would be the guy who played Robin on the 1960’s television show BATMAN… EWWWWWW!
HAHA! I used to think he was cute!
I really don’t sell flying monkey brooches, but I DO have a cat looking into the toilet brooch. There was a meme going around a while back and I put photos of my brooches in a post. You’d probably get a kick out of that post.
Cant tell
Ummm…could you point me in the direction of the jump rope sign up sheet? ‘Cause I certainly don’t want to be the last on my block! Bwhahahaha!
That one really surprised me, 2LD! I can’t remember writing anything about jump ropes but there might have been something in one of my Marie Cambridge stories!
this is hilarious, those people searching have an uncanny sense of humor. and your answers made it funnier!
i enjoyed these teeni, and the comment thread is a gem, good read!
Thanks, Odette! I’m so glad you enjoy them!
[...] 18, 2008 by Michelle Gartner Teeni over at the Vagueterian Tea Room posted strange search terms people use to get to her site, so I thought I would mention a few of the strange search terms [...]
You can move YOUR WHOLE HEAD? and chocolate syrup porn, do tell! BAHAHAHAHAH!
I love your take on all the nutty search terms. How did someone get here looking for chocolate syrup porn? Hmmm…….. did I miss that post?
LOL - Yeah, I wondered how that one ended them up here myself!
I never get such bizarre search terms and I wish I did! What a coincidence, I just glazed my body in a cocoon of chocolate syrup…gotta go, my date is here
I can’t believe YOU don’t get such bizarre search terms! Seriously? I would think you’d get some that were a LOT more interesting than mine!
Do Please keep finding more of these on your panel. Far more entertaining than some joke sites.
Glad you like them, Rummy. I’ll keep posting them as long as I keep getting interesting ones.
You’re a scream Teens! Wishing butt machine (wish I had one of those) and chocolate syrup porn strike me as post worthy. LOL.
Annie
They do, don’t they? But I can’t figure how they got here with those terms! LOL. Maybe I should just make up some stories!
Oh my goodness…I love it. But I have to tell ya, I really can wiggle my ears. It’s a bit strange I know.
Really? I think that is actually a rare talent. We’ll have to have you video it sometime, I honestly don’t even know what a wiggling ear looks like! LOL. And don’t worry - we don’t think you’re strange. Well, not for the ears, anyway! But that’s why we love ya, Cowgal!
I’m gonna have to ask one of my cats about that lazer thing
I’d ask my own cats but they seem to have selective hearing because they don’t answer me when I ask them stuff. Grrr.
Sign me up for jumprope!
You’re on, MJ. What’s it called when they go really, really fast? It’s “hot peppers” or something isn’t it?
Oh man I love these! I have a whack of them saved as well. For a rainy day - you know if I ever get caught up and back to normal…
LOL. You’ll get there, Paige. Take your time and don’t stress. But I have to agree that search terms do make a fun and easy post.
I love your Meez today. Wishing butt machine– I’ve already got enough butt. I am not wishing for anymore. I get a lot of strange search terms too. Of course, dumbass is the most common one.
Thanks about the Meez. I dressed her up last night in case I forgot today. I have enough butt too. Who on earth would invent a wishing butt machine? There are some real nuts out there! Ooh I bet you do get a great bunch of search terms! I can only imagine between the sandwich stealing seagulls, the supermarket morons and the general dumbasses, I bet you get some gems! LOL.
I see you enlarged your Meez, making it a larger target. Interesting…
Hey - don’t be getting any ideas! I think Meez was having tech issues last night because I couldn’t get this one in my regular size! LOL.
Bummer. NetDisaster.com is closed.
Yeah, I noticed that it was closed shortly after you devastated my Meez. I went there looking for methods of retaliation right away, of course but I think you put them out of business or something somehow! Nice going, Dan!
I’m with Cow Gal up there on the ear wiggling! I don’t know how everyone can’t wiggle their ears!
I love that someone found your blog by searching for a fish. Why would they even put the “a” in there? I guess they want to distinguish that they want one, single, whole fish, as opposed to some cooked fish or something.
Wow - you can do it too? Maybe you are double jointed or something? I sure can’t do it! And yeah - “a” fish? weird. Like I said, I can’t believe my site would come up in the first 100 pages of search results for that. Maybe I should go try it. **later** Nope - I didn’t see anything. But there actually are some funny results if you search on it. A Fish Called Wanda, A Fish Story, A Fish Did Not Write This Essay, etc. LOL.
??????? ???????, ???????
W@ssup Do0d?
All of mine are related to porn and super-models. I don’t get it. I gave up porn years ago since my super-model career tanked.
I get some porn ones but no super-model ones. I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m not even five feet tall so yeah, my super-model career tanked too. Dang.
I control my keywords to the extreme, so I don’t get a lot of unusual queries. I’ll look to see if I can find some searches I might have missed and write about it:)
Oh, I don’t know anything about controlling keywords, LOL. I guess I just run a wild and crazy blog over here. But I do get a kick out of seeing what people search for. Okay, well, I actually enjoy coming up with sarcastic responses to them the best. My guilty pleasure.
LOL Teeni!!!
You get the best searches!
The flying monkey brooch was one of my favourites…
I can wiggle MY ears too!!!
I too thought that everyone could do it!
Jump rope sign upi sheet???
I’m in!
Um, really fast is just called “Pepper”, I think!
You can wiggle them too? Now I’m starting to feel left out. Wow - I didn’t know so many people could do it. And oh, you may be right about the fast jump rope being called “pepper.” I was probably just hungry and thinking how much I love hot peppers on my sandwiches.
I’m actually starting to get some strange ones. Might have to do a post on em after we get back home.
Here’s one:
“meaning of panther in gay community”
I don’t have a clue…, but I figure I’d start getting some strange search terms once I started writing outside what’s been comfortable for me in the past…, more to come!
HAHA! I look forward to seeing a search term post from you in the not too distant future, Mr. Goad. That will be a hoot. And I do believe you are right - you may have opened up the floodgates by going outside your comfort zone, but it’s all an interesting ride.
hahaha…those are weird search terms and I find them hilarious too…
I gotta check my control panel now!
Have a great weekend teenie!
Thanks, I’m glad you liked them! You have a good weekend too!
well, i’m off to google wishing butt machine. i so need one of those! anything that will make my butt smaller!!! i’ll let you know…
Please do let me know! If you find out anything good, I’m all for going in halvsies with you!
my hottest search terms, as I did a post on a while back, revealed that what brought folks to my site the most were the words “goat boobs” Um, that’s interesting…
Goat boobs? Really? I can’t compete with that one. Although I won’t be surprised if I get “cake boobs” in the near future! Search terms just make for funny posts no matter how you look at it!
My top search term is pissing, why, I’ll have no idea … about 100 people a day find their way to my blog.
I have to say “Why do cats hear lazers” is a very interesting thing to search for on the web. Is it me, or are people nuts?
It’s not you. They’re nuts, I tell ya!
Maybe you did a post about things “pissing” you off? Who knows? It’s always interesting to take a look at search terms.
OK, this is funny because I just posted something kind of similar yesterday and I hadn’t seen yours yet. Great minds think alike!
Cats can hear lasers? It’s amazing what you “learn” from the search terms people use to find you. It’s also kinda creepy when you realize how many people are searching specifically for you! I always wonder, “Who IS this person? A potential client? Someone from my past?”
Yeah, when you have specific searches it is hard not to get a little paranoid, huh? And yup - great minds do think alike!
I just saw yours - I am slow at catching up on my blog reads this week!
Personally I thought the “wishing butt machine” was a “genie in the lamp” type thing, where you rub the butt and make your wishes, and then green smoke comes out of the machine (i.e. farts) and then a genie appears!
LOL. You crack me up, Romi! But hey, if the genie does laundry, he (or she) can stay!